August 9, 2002 4:21 AM

If I ever go to Hell....

It will likely be a buffet at a Luby's. Musical entertainment will be provided by ELO, Gino Vanelli, and 10cc. Afterwards, we'll be required to attend the non-stop Phyllis Schafly lecture-thon. She'll of course be spelled by Bishop Sheen and Joe McCarthy, who will in turn occasionally yield to discussions on tolerance and open-mindedness led by Phil Gramm.

Tickets for the upcoming lecture series on business ethics will be sold by WorldCom accountants, who will leverage ticket revenue against Enron stock, and use the resulting paper gains to purchase refrigerators that they will then sell to Eskimoes. The revenues from the resulting refrigerator sales will be funneled to Jimmy Swaggart's ministry, and he will use the money to prop up Zimbabwean dictator Rober Mugabe.

As if that wasn't enough, we'll also be forced to do pre-production work for the Oliver North- Patrick Buchanan World-wide Peace, Love, and Free Ganja Tour.

Man, I really AM in Hell....

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on August 9, 2002 4:21 AM.

Juvenile Humor was the previous entry in this blog.

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