It's official; God has named his next "Chosen People". As expected, Jews were selected. Unfortunately, the news was not met with universal approval among adherents of Judaism.
Jerusalem — Jews, whose troubled, 10,000-year term as God's "chosen people" finally expired last night, woke up this morning to find that they had once again been hand-picked by the Almighty. Synagogues across the globe declared a day of mourning.
Asked if the descendants of Abraham shouldn't be pleased about being tapped for an unprecedented second term, Jerusalem Rabbi Ben Meyerson shrugged. "Of course, you are right, we should be thrilled," he said. "We should also enjoy a good swift kick in the head, but for some reason, we don't.
"Now don't ask such questions until you watch the news, or read history, or at least rent 'Fiddler on the Roof'."
Much of the world's re-blessed Jewish community shared that feeling. "It's always been considered a joke with us. You know, 'Please G-d, next time choose someone else,' ha ha," said New York City resident David Bashert.
"Ha. Ha ha," Bashert added. "Shit."
According to a worldwide survey of faiths, not a single group expressed an interest in being chosen, and the only application submitted before last night's filing deadline, on behalf of the Islamic people, proved to be a fake.
Eventually, as Meyerson also pointed out, it might not be so bad. Before too long, you get used to the universal hatred thing, and it becomes part of the backdrop. I suppose it's better that Jews are resigned to their fate. After all, they'll be serving a 10,000 year term. No use kvetching about something you have no control over, right??
