Cobain journals reveal tortured soul
"It was a stupid thing to do and Ill never do it again and I feel real sorry for anyone who thinks they can use heroine as a medicine because um, duh, it don't work."
Kurt Cobain was a brilliant, talented, and, in retrospect, horribly tortured personality. It is difficult to explain or understand the forces that could drive someone to end their own life. Cobain's demons (and the pain they created), terrible as they were, could only really be fulled understood by Cobain himself. For anyone to pass judgement on anyone for taking their life is a misguided and insensitive leap.
I cannot speak to the demons that drove Cobain to hasten his own demise, but I believe I can understand them to some small degree. You see, I've been there. I've wrestled with depression off and on over my entire adult life. To me, it's been a war of ebbs and flows. Generally speaking, life is manageable, with it's normal up and downs. There have been times, though, when I've found myself seriously considering the possibility of ending my own life. It's a difficult thing for me to admit, but there it is. I still wrestle with those demons, and while I'm not sure I would ever be able to take my own life, there are times when that certainty is greatly diminished. That can be a frightening thing to contemplate.
All of this hit very close to home for me this afternoon as I was driving home from work. Susan called to tell me that one of Eric's high shcool debate teammates had committed suicide. Heather was a freshman, probably 15-16 years old, with her entire life in front of her. I'm saddened, of course, at the terrible waste of a young life; it really is senseless. I did not know Heather, and I don't think Eric knew her all that well, either. Even so, how do you explain to a teenager how one of their peers could end her own life?
As I look out the window of our home into the cold, monsoon rain of a dreary October afternoon, this all seems a bit too much to deal with. I've never had to deal with the demons of drug abuse like Kurt Cobain or whatever demons drove Heather over the edge, but I can understand the idea of being so overwhelmed by life that death seems not only like an inviting option, but the ONLY option.
If I could leave anyone reading this with only one message, it would be this: life IS worth living, and it sure beats the alternative. Suicide is never an answer, nor is it a solution. I've come to understand that there is help available, if only one can find it within themself to ask. Please; if you need help, ask- there are more people willing to help than you could possibly know....
