December 6, 2002 7:17 AM

I know..."10 miles, uphill, in the snow, both ways"....

My friend Rune, comfortably ensconced in his spacious office at the Norwegian Trade Council, sent me this gem. On a cold day like today, I think it speaks for itself.

THE TRUE STORY

Temperatures:

+15°C / 59°F:

This is as warm as it gets in Norway, so we'll start here. People in Spain wear winter-coats and gloves. The Norwegians are out in the sun, getting a tan.

+10°C / 50°F:

The French are trying in vain to start their central heating. The Norwegians plant flowers in their gardens.

+5°C / 41°F:

Italian cars won't start. The Norwegians are cruising in cabriolets.

0°C / 32°F:

Distilled water freezes. The water in Oslo Fjord gets a little thicker.

-5°C / 23°F:

People in California almost freeze to death. The Norwegians have their final barbecue before winter.

-10°C / 14°F:

The Brits start the heat in their houses. The Norwegians start using long sleeves.

-20°C / -4°F:

The Aussies flee from Mallorca. The Norwegians end their Midsummer celebrations. Autumn is here.

-30°C / -22°F:

People in Greece die from the cold and disappear from the face of the earth. The Norwegians start drying their laundry indoors.

-40°C / -40°F:

Paris start cracking in the cold. The Norwegians stand in line at the hotdog stands.

-50°C / -58°F:

Polar bears start evacuating the North Pole. The Norwegian army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather.

-70°C / -94°F:

The false Santa moves south. The Norwegian army goes out on winter survival training.

-183°C / -297.4°F:

Microbes in food don't survive. The Norwegian cows complain that the farmers' hands are cold.

-273°C / -459.4°F:

All atom-based movent halts. The Norwegians start saying "Fuck, it's cold outside today."

-300°C / -508°F:

Hell freezes over, Norway wins the Eurovision Song Contest.
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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on December 6, 2002 7:17 AM.

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