THE PRESIDENT: Good afternoon. Please be seated. Today, with the Republican party having seized absolute control of the federal government, I am pleased to revel in my newfound ability to pass controversial legislation easier than a diesel steamroller crushes skulls in an unmarked mass grave of atheists.
You know friends, until I was almost elected two years ago, government was often slow to recognize the importance of faith-based and community efforts. That's changing. And more changes are needed. So today, I'm pleased to announce an initial list of religious charities which will henceforth receive billions of taxpayer dollars direct from the federal government. And rest assured friends, this is only the beginning.
I would think that the Christian Crackwhore Ministries of America, the Landover Baptist Homosexual Deprogramming Ministry, and the Westboro Baptist Church Sexual Orientation Support Network are especially deserving of our hard-earned tax dollars, no??
