Hershey's Ordered to Pay Obese Americans $135 Billion
In a stunning legal decision that has the food industry in shock, a Pennsylvania jury has ordered the Hershey Corporation to pay overweight Americans a total of $135 billion.
"Let this verdict send a clear message to Big Chocolate," said Pennsylvania Attorney General Andrew Garsten, addressing reporters following the historic ruling. "If you knowingly sell products that cause obesity, you will pay."
The five-state class-action suit accused Hershey's of "knowingly and willfully marketing rich, fatty candy bars containing chocolate and other ingredients of negligible nutritional value." The company was also charged with publishing nutritional information only under pressure from the government, marketing products to children, and artificially "spiking" their products with such substances as peanuts, crisped rice, and caramel to increase consumer appeal.
Jurors took less than five hours to reach the decision following a two-year trial covering nearly one million snackers in Pennsylvania, Florida, New Hampshire, Arizona, and Texas. A majority of the unprecedented punitive damages will go toward obesity victims and their immediate families. The remainder will be funneled into weight-loss and youth-snacking prevention programs.
"This is a vindication for myself and all chocolate victims," said Beaumont, TX, resident Earl Hoffler, holding a picture of his wife Emily, who in 1998 succumbed to obesity after nearly 40 years of chocoholism. "This award cannot bring Emily back, but I take some comfort knowing that her tragic, unnecessary death did not go unpunished."
I am one of those few brave souls who rarely eats chocolate. It's not that I dislike it, but chocolate does nothing for me. My wife thinks I'm a freak of nature. You see, I 've always known that there was something sinister about chocolate, and now I have definitive proof.
Of course, the question that will soon need to be answered is what becomes of the fast food industry? If Big Chocolate can be held liable for the effects of their product, what about Fast Food, those purveyors of fat, cholesterol, and bad milk shakes? Personally, I'll be OK as long as the lawyers keep their hands off Big Caffeine.
