Meanwhile, al-Qaida fighters captured in Afghanistan are flown to the U.S. Naval Station at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, for detainment. This outrages various perpetually outraged human-rights organizations, which issue a statement charging that the prisoners are being kept under inhumane conditions, including "a lack of even the most rudimentary volleyball equipment."
In other terrorist news, American Taliban fighter John Walker Lindh is hired as a marketing consultant by Major League Baseball.
On a positive military note, specially trained U.S. forces score a major victory when, after days of brutal fighting, they capture what is believed to be the headquarters of Enron, although they acknowledge that there are probably "many smaller Enron cells still operating throughout the nation." The Stock Market drops 87 points.
- Dave Barry
