Florida, having learned nothing from history, attempts to hold another election. Everything goes smoothly, with virtually no problems reported, until the polls open. Then there is chaos, especially in Broward and Miami-Dade counties, which are using new computerized voting machines. Election officials begin to suspect that the system might have been programmed incorrectly when, instead of reporting the vote totals, the machines connect to the Internet and send out 126 million e-mails offering discount Viagra.
In other Florida news, police shut down I-75 for hours and arrest three men of Middle Eastern descent after a woman reports that she overheard them in a Shoney's restaurant talking about what she believed to be a terrorist plot. It turns out to be a misunderstanding: The men are medical students. Responding quickly, the Department of Homeland Insecurity orders all 350 Shoney's to install metal detectors.
- Dave Barry
