Some of my more effective techniques:
1) Ask the telemarketer off-the-wall questions: "Do you think masturbation is a mortal sin?" "What are you wearing?" "If you could be a tree, what kind of tree would you be?" "What's the color of your parachute?" "I'm completely naked. Are you?"
2) Ask if they'll throw in a free tinfoil hat with your order.
3) Tell them your parole officer won't let you make financial decisions on your own.
4) Tell them you'd give them your credit card number, but you're naked and have no place to put your wallet, unless...oh, you don't want to go there, do you?
5) Tell them you've taken a vow of poverty, and ask if they'll make a donation to your cult.
6) Practice your Rain Man imitation: "This is definitely not my underwear...."
7) Pretend that you're Dr. Phil and ask probing questions about their family.
8) Ask them to speak quickly, because your medication is beginning to wear off and the voices are telling you that it's time to kill again.
9) Listen patiently to the sales pitch, but laugh maniacally every time the telemarketer asks for any sort of commitment.
The floor is open, y'all. Any more ideas??
