It was a beautiful late Spring afternoon in southeast Texas, and I was in tears. I was driving on the Sam Houston Tollway at 70 MPH, and I was an absolute blubbering fool. It was unexpected, but hardly surprising (it's happened before), and I almost had to pull off the road to pull myself together. Why? The country station I was listening to happened to play Alan Jackson's "Where Were You?", which, in emotional terms, always hits me right where it hurts. Almost two years later, and I am still have trouble dealing with 9.11. How DO you come to terms with something like that? Clearly, I have yet to figure that one out. I still have a long ways to go.
For most of us, the memories of 9.11 are no longer front and center, but neither have they receded into the dark reaches of memory, either. Nonetheless, I can't imagine that I'm the only one experiencing this. There are thousands who lost friends, family members, mothers, fathers, spouses, lovers...the list seems endless. I lost a friend and college classmate, and perhaps that might explain why Alan Jackson's song effects me in the way that it does. I suppose that expecting closure may be bordering on unrealistic, but I don't know WHAT to expect or hope for. Time may heal all wounds, but how much time?
I find myself thinking a lot about my friend Tim these past few weeks. Though we lived in different parts of the country, our lives had taken very similar turns. He remarried about the same time I did and found himself the stepfather to two boys whom he adored. He was happy, and, in working on the 96th floor of the World Trade Center, almost literally on top of the world. He deserved better. Now all that is left of him for me is a tree that we planted last year on the campus of Macalester College in St. Paul, MN. Going back to my alma mater will never be the same.
I wonder sometimes if I will ever come to grips with 9.11. Is it even possible to do so? In time, perhaps the pain, the confusion, and the guilt will subside. For now, I'll just have to make sure that I'm not driving when I listen to Alan Jackson. Next time, I may just have to pull off the road.
Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day
Out in the yard with your wife and children
Working on some stage in LA
Did you stand there in shock at the site of
That black smoke rising against that blue sky
Did you shout out in anger
In fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cryDid you weep for the children
Who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left belowDid you burst out in pride
For the red white and blue
The heroes who died just doing what they do
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself to what really mattersI'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is loveWhere were you when the world stopped turning that September day
Teaching a class full of innocent children
Driving down some cold interstate
Did you feel guilty cause you're a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone
Did you call up your mother and tell her you love her
Did you dust off that bible at home
Did you open your eyes and hope it never happened
Close your eyes and not go to sleep
Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages
Speak with some stranger on the street
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow
Go out and buy you a gun
Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watching
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns
Did you go to a church and hold hands with some stranger
Stand in line and give your own blood
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
Thank God you had somebody to loveI'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is loveI'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is loveThe greatest is love
The greatest is loveWhere were you when the world stopped turning that September day
