Stop The Gay Canadians! First icky legalized homosexual marriage, then the apocalypse. Conservative America trembles. (Thanks, Michele. THIS is hilarious....)
Is there anything more enjoyable than watching Conservatives working themselves into a lather over an issue that ultimately doesn't even really matter?
Hordes of quivering GOP lawmakers and vast throngs of proudly homophobic right-wing Christian Americans fell into an adorable tizzy the other day as the entire really, really big country of Canada announced it will change its law to allow full-on homosexual marriage anywhere in the whole country including Vancouver and Toronto and even "that weird province with all the gay French people."
Hysteria and open weeping and panicky looks accompanied the uncontrollable overeating of many stale Ding-Dongs, as millions of sexually confused Bush-ites and members of self-righteous Bible-icious anti-everything groups like the American Family Association, along with entire towns such as Colorado Springs, were absolutely certain the world was coming to an end, like, immediately. I mean, Canada's right next door!
Heavens! The next thing you know, they'll be in foxholes, trying to convert our children to their heathen agenda. Horrors!! And in case y'all were wondering, this is how we're proving our heterosexuality here in the great state of Texas:
In the state of Texas except for Austin which everyone knows is surprisingly cool despite how it's in, you know, Texas, where you still cannot legally buy a dildo or engage in homosexual sex but they pretty much hand you a nice big phallic shotgun as a welcome gift when you visit, the legislature immediately passed a law requiring each and every male to smack any other male they see really hard on the back and buy him a pitcher of bad beer in a manly gesture of football-lovin' patriotic homoerotically repressed solidarity.
So, how' 'bout them Aggies? Say, d'ya need another pitcher of Shiner over there??
