Long time listener, first time caller.
I wanted to do something mischevious while Jack was gone, like rearrange his furniture or starch his underwear. But the furniture is all glued to the floor and he must have taken all his underwear with him.
Then I thought I'd water down his liquor. But no, the liquor cabinet is locked.
Hey, I know! I'll reprogram his remote! I'll make it so his favorite channels are Lifetime and Oxygen and...Fox News!
What the....Jack put a parental lock on the remote and I can't figure out the code!
I'll just go through his videotapes...
How to Become a Conservative in Ten Easy Steps....The Life and Times of Bill O'Reilly....Ann Coulter swimsuit issue...
I knew it. I knew he was a closet conservative.
Come on out of the closet, Jack - you've been outed!