Before I went to the hospital yesterday morning, I was all set to bring Susan home. She wanted out, I wanted her out, and the nurses seemed to think we'd be able to bust her out. Unfortunately, it didn't happen in quite the way we thought it would. In a little while, I'll be making yet another trip to the hospital, this time with no illusions of anything. I just don't know what to expect.
Susan's condition is no worse, but neither is she any better. It seems one or more of the legion of doctors feels the need for more tests. Of course, none of these doctors were actually working yesterday, so there was no one to answer any questions about what is happening. The biggest problem is that there have been so many doctors treating Susan that I no longer know who is leading the parade. I've been at the hospital on a daily basis from morning until night, but there are doctors treating her that I have yet to meet. (You really CAN'T tell the players without a program....) Her nurses are out of the loop, as well...and so we wait.
Of course, I understand the importance of and the need for erring on the side of caution. Susan, as least when I left her yesterday, is in no shape to be coming home. She is still feeling pretty rotten in general, and when she's not, it's because of the medications she's been given. I can't in good conscience be too upset, because I know that she is better off in the hospital. Nonetheless, I am tremendously frustrated.
I feel pretty helpless and powerless at the moment. I have no idea what is happening, what is going to happen, or even when I will be able to bring Susan home. Today seems a good day to hope for, but I have to be realistic, and the reality is that I just don't know.
As much as I am trying to keep my focus on the person in the hospital bed, this is beginning to take a toll on me. Stress is, unfortunately, one of the biggest triggers for my migraines, and by the time I leave the hospital I am almost unable to function. Yet I still have to look after Eric. I'm afraid that I haven't been much fun to be around, but Eric has been great. He's the one trying to cheer me up, even though I know this has got to be hard on him as well.
The end result is that the woman I love is still laid up in a hospital bed...and we still don't have a definitive answer as to why. I'm exhausted, and yet I will continue doing this because I love her and I love Eric. I don't know what else I CAN do.
And so it continues....
