August 26, 2003 9:33 AM

Living sure beats the alternative, eh??

As I am writing this, Susan is curled up asleep on the living room couch. It's going to be awhile before she is back to anything resembling normal, but it's just nice to have her home again. There was a time when I feared that might not be in the cards. We may never know how truly serious her condition was/is, but when she told me that she felt like she was at death's door, I was inclined to believe her. Susan is not a person given to exaggeration or drama, so it wasn't difficult for me to understand that she was in dire straits. She still isn't feeling anything close to well, but simply being at home and out of the hospital has been a big step. At least no one is trying to take yet another blood sample (except Boo, and that's usually unintentional...).

Lyme disease seems to be the primary suspect, although we may never know. There are still tests that we're waiting on, and they may provide some answers. Then again, they may not. At the moment, I'm more concerned with her recovery than anything else. I'm just grateful that there will be a recovery period. For a day or so early last week, that did not seem to be a certainty.

I had been planning on going back to work today, but I couldn't leave her here alone. In addition, I'd almost completely underestimated the emotional toll this past week has taken on me. Now that I've finally been able to relax, I am beyond exhausted; it's as if someone drained every last drop of my emotional energy, and then repossessed anything that might have been used to replenish that energy. After feeling as if I've had the weight of the world on my shoulders for a week, I now feel unable to do anything more strenuous than tying my shoelaces. Even writing requires an inordinate expenditure of energy, but I feel the need to exercise my mind and get a few things off my chest. Yes, it's been a tough week.

There are so many things I've tried to take care of, and yet a few things still slipped through the cracks. Most of Susan's plants in the backyard look as if they've died or are about to. I completely forgot about them. I also forgot to pay the bills. I knew that they were out there (the mail HAS been piling up), but somehow I just never got to it. Mow the yard? Yeah, like THAT was going to happen. I finally paid our neighbor's 15-year-old boy $20 to do it. Frankly, if he'd asked me for $200, I'm not sure I would have put up much of a fight. Eric still needs a part for his car; perhaps today I'll finally be able to get it taken care of. I suppose it's true: you really can't be all things to all people.

Then there were the friends, relatives, and coworkers who were burning up my cell phone wanting to know how Susan was doing, what they could do to help, etc. I tried my best to keep everyone informed, and I hope no one felt (or feels) neglected. I did the best I could, but there were times when I simply could not bring myself to make another phone call. Yes, the woman has a LOT of friends....

I also owe my oldest stepson, Adam, an apology of mammoth proportions. There is no reason you should have had to find out about your mother's illness by reading my website. That was inexcusable of me, and I am truly sorry. A lot of things went haywire last week, but I can offer no excuses for not calling you immediately. When you come home, I'll try to make it up to you by paying for a round of golf. OK??

Thanks again to everyone for your support. It was good knowing that I wasn't going through this alone. That means more to me than I can find the words to express.

OK, NOW I'm going to find somewhere to collpase....

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on August 26, 2003 9:33 AM.

So, what exactly have I missed over the past week?? was the previous entry in this blog.

Now this is democracy in action is the next entry in this blog.

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