After four spinal taps, three MRIs, two neurologists, innumerable blood tests, an ophthamologist, a general practitioner, and more nurses than I can remember...we are still no closer to knowing what is going on with Susan. We may know what is responsible for her double vision, but we do not know what caused it- nor do we know what is responsible for her other symptoms. Thankfully, the doctors have finally stumbled upon a pain medication that seems to work, so tonight Susan sounds alive. Hearing some life in her voice again is a welcome relief, although it may just be the medication keeping the demons at bay. Whatever, given the state I found her in this morning, I'll take it.
Sitting in her hospital room with her has been an interesting experience. It can be difficult to comprehend the degree of suffering to be found in a hospital until you are actually there, inside the walls. One elderly woman, screamed "Help me!!" repeatedly for what seemed like forever. Susan said she had been doing that for most of the previous night. That was a healthy dose of perspective. It could be worse; Susan could have been that woman.
Another interesting factoid is that the difference between moans of pain and those of pleasure is really a very fine line.
What I find frustrating is the lack of answers. Basically, what we have here is a collection of some very highly trained and very highly paid professionals scratching their heads, completely at a loss. I'd always thought of medicine as a science, but the last three days have taught me that it is at least as much art as science. Doctors and nurses get paid to come up with answers, but sometimes, despite all of the training and experience and technology, there just aren't any answers to be had. That can be a frustrating fact to wrap your head around when it's your wife stretched out in a hospital bed.
I'll go back tomorrow and hope for some answers. Perhaps they'll come, perhaps not. I just have to come to grips with the fact that I am not going to be able to fix this problem. That continues to be a major challenge for me.