Broward judge fails to swallow man's bagel plea
I do believe that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
- Groucho Marx
One of my passions in life is plumbing the depths of human stupidity. Every now and then, though, something like this comes along that makes me feel as if perhaps I've hit rock bottom....
So this guy goes into a courtroom and asks the judge: Can you please end my probation early?
But you're doing so well, the judge replies. Why do you want to get off probation so soon?
Because I like to eat a poppy seed bagel every day, the guy says, but ever since I've been on probation, I've had to eat plain bagels instead. I'm afraid the poppy seeds will show up on my drug test like I've been using narcotics.
Sounds like a joke. But that's what happened in Broward Circuit Judge Stanton Kaplan's courtroom on Wednesday.
Bruce E. Silverman, 39, of Parkland, was about eight months into his one-year probation for aggravated stalking of a co-worker when he tried to shorten his sentence using the bagel defense.
Unusual strategy. But you might say Judge Kaplan spotted the hole in the man's argument. He politely questioned whether Silverman was crazy and then fixed Silverman and his attorney, Scott Salomon of Coral Springs, with a stare.
"I told both of them to leave my courtroom," Kaplan said.
Of course, I suppose this DOES beat the heck out of presiding over a multiple homicide....
