It was a rather frustrating and terrifying feeling to leave Susan in the hospital last night, but I did have to check in on Eric (who seems to handling all of this better than anyone). Now that Eric is off to school, I'm going to head back over to the hospital as soon as I can take a shower and clear my head. I'm not sure there is enough coffee in the house to accomplish that. Understandably, I'm not really feeling on top of my game today.
I'm grateful to my boss, who basically told me to take care of business with Susan and not worry about work. That has taken a load off my mind. He's right, though- I've got enough on my mind as it is and I would be worthless at work.
I'm really trying not to be melodramatic about this, but I am scared. I HATE hospitals. Perhaps it's the fact that I cannot control events, or even influence them. I'm merely a bystander while my wife is stretched out in a bed, dealing with who-knows-what.
My desire to write is virtually nonexistent, but I'm home alone, and at least this helps me to put some of my feelings into perspective. I feel in control here. In a few minutes, I'll be back in an environment where I feel nothing if not powerless. I just wish I knew what to do....
