And so it continues....
Two days in the hospital, and the only thing the doctors have been able to tell us is that Susan doesn't have spinal meningitis. While that is certainly good news, we are no closer to knowing what IS the problem.
I should be at work, but I know that I would never be able to concentrate. I'd also be likely to take out my frustration and fear on someone who doesn't deserve that kind of abuse. I feel guilty, but as much as I'd like to say that I care about my job, right now it's just not my priority.
Thankfully, Susan's condition has not grown any worse. Then again, it hasn't improved, either. Too many questions, too damn few answers. I feel so helpless, and yet I know that there is nothing I can do. This one is out of my hands. About all I can really do is to manage the melodrama and try to keep it down to a reasonable level. It's easy to begin thinking the worst when you're sitting in a hospital room watching your wife being poked and prodded while seemingly getting no closer to a fix.
I am thankful for Eric, who (outwardly, at least) seems to be handling this situation much better than I am. He's the one who is cracking the jokes or doing whatever else it might take to get a smile out of me. Having the responsiblity of looking after Eric at least gets me out of the hospital, but it's hard not to feel guilty about not being there for Susan. Still, someone has to be here at home with him.
In a little while, I'll head back over to the hospital. For the time being, I'm just not in the mood to try to be funny, or political, or sarcastic, or whatever else it is that I do here on a daily basis. That takes energy that I quite honestly don't have at the moment. Perhaps in a day or two or three, I'll be able to get back to being my usual self. Right now, though, none of that really seems to matter all that much.
