"They're, they're f*****g out here in the yard...."
Today's DUMASS AWARD is presented to a couple that made a truly joined-at-the-hip effort to win this award. It's not just any couple that will get liquored up and then do the horizontal mambo on the front lawn.
OCTOBER 11--Meet Dan Gilchrist and Paula Parris. The Tennessee couple spent Tuesday afternoon making love. While a commendable act, the lovebirds were caught trysting on Gilchrist's front lawn, in full view of the neighbors, one of whom called 911 to report, "They're, they're f*****g out here in the yard. And everything else. They're having sex out here, and people are running by." ....Gilchrist, 45, and Parris, 44, were barely clothed and liquored up when deputies arrived. Both were charged with indecent exposure and public intoxication, while Gilchrist was also cited for disorderly conduct.
Hey, I've always thought that a lack of inhibitions is generally a good thing. Even so, there oughta be a law (and it turns out that there IS...). Do we really need to see a couple copulating like rabbits on their front lawn? Only if I have my video camera handy....
Congratulations to Mr. Gilchrist and Ms. Parris, who are probably 20 years past their prime porn-acting days. For exceeding the (naked) call of duty, and for making the neighbors sit up and take notice, both of you have truly proven yourselves worthy of this DUMASS AWARD. Let's just hope that when you sober up you'll have no recollection of doing the nasty on your front lawn. Of course, the neighbors probably have it on tape....
