Niagara survivor ordered out of Canada
It's an embarrassing thing to say now, but depression caused me to do what I think untold numbers have done in Niagara Falls. I can't ask you why God saw me fit to live at this time, but I'm happy to be alive.
- Kirk Jones
He fully expected to die. He was near death. He knew it. He thinks he was saved for a reason.
- Raymond Jones (father of the DUMASS)
Canada- the home of Peace, Order, and Good Government- is apparently also the home of Common Sense as well. At least that's what a Canadian judged showed when he told Jones to make sure the border gate didn't hit him in the ass on the way out of Canada.
Kirk Jones, 40, spoke little during his brief appearance in a provincial court room except to say he understood the charges against him. He is charged with mischief and unlawfully performing a stunt.
Jones and a friend had been drinking vodka and Coke before heading to the falls, where Jones climbed a protective railing into the Niagara River on Monday and floated feet first over the falls, prosecutors told the court.
The Canton, Michigan, man is the only person known to have survived a plunge over the falls without a safety device.
Inspector Paul Forcier said police were reviewing a videotape made by Jones' friend, who has not been charged.
"Well, you're lucky to be standing here," the judge told Jones. He set bail at $1,000 Canadian ($760 U.S.).
Jones' brother, Keith Jones, was in court and said he would post the bail. He said he believes his brother was despondent.
"I believe it was more reaching out for attention," he said, noting that his brother is unemployed and not married. "He didn't really have a lot going for him."
Hey, I've been depressed and I'm on medication for it, but at no time did I EVER think, "Hey, I think I'll see if I can go over Niagara Falls and live to tell about it. Maybe THAT will give my miserable, pointless existence some meaning."
Of course, now he can probably count on every talk show from Jerry Springer to Charlie Rose pursuing him. I doubt Mr. DUMASS...er, Jones, will be lacking for face time, and we will all be the poorer for participating in this loser's personal self-aggrandizement project. I wonder when the book tour will start??
