It is true, I must admit, that I am not the most patient of drivers. It's just that I have a very difficult time tolerating stupidity and inconsideration. Saturday night, some dickweed in a small truck almost forced me off the road, and became quite incensed when I honked at him. More than anything else, I was just trying to let him know that I was in the same physical space he was at that moment engaged in trying to occupy. Honestly, though, I was equally upset that he didn't even bother looking before attempting to change lanes.
What really brought me up short, though, was that this same dickweed followed me home, came into our cul-de-sac, and parked in the middle of the street about 40 feet from me. I stood in the middle of the street and stared him down, and he eventually figured out the he has been an @$$***e long, so he backed up and left.
Of course, what IF he hadn't left? I hate to think of the worst-case scenario, but She Who Endures My Myriad Eccentricities has no such qualms. So, for her peace of mind, and in order to ensure my own personal safety, I offer this to She Who Endures My Myriad Eccentricities:
Be it Resolved:
THAT...even though Houston's roadways are filled with dickweeds and @$$wipes who care nothing for others nor how their actions might impact their safety, Jack will make every effort to refrain from honking at them, NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY MAY DESERVE IT.
THAT...Jack will refrain at all costs, including to my blood pressure, from indulging the urge to fantasize about parking my F-150 in the front seat of the sports car that cut into my lane without so much as a glance in my direction to ensure that he/she had a clear path. Nay, Jack shall think only kind, peaceful thoughts about his fellow drivers, NO MATTER WHAT MAJOR DICKWEEDS THEY MAY, IN FACT, BE.
THAT...Jack will at all times be cognizant of, and treat all fellow drivers in, the manner that he would himself wish to be treated. That he will at no time use the power of his truck to nudge the @$$wipe doing 45 MPH in the fast lane of I-45 out of the way, NO MATTER HOW MUCH SAID @$$WIPE DESERVES TO BE VAPORIZED.
THAT...Jack will refrain from installing that tripod-mounted M60 machine gun or the tripod-mounted TOW missile in the back of his truck, because, NO MATTER HOW MUCH JACK MIGHT LIKE TO THINK OTHERWISE, THE TEXAS DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC SAFETY TENDS TO FROWN ON THAT SORT OF THING.
THAT...Jack will at all times remember that for every insensitive, inconsiderate dickweed on Houston's roads, there are many decent law-abiding folks who manage to get from Point A to Point B without running other drivers off the road. Jack will at all times strive to be like these calm, rational folks, NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE FANTASIZES ABOUT EXPRESS-MAILING A HELLFIRE MISSILE DIRECTLY TO JOE OR JANE DICKWEED'S GAS TANK.
There. I feel much better, thank you. Now, if you will excuse me, I'm late for my meditation and deep-breathing exercises. After that, I have my small-arms class and the "Offensive Driving for Fun and Profit" class....
