500 monkeys at 500 keyboards still couldn't touch this

On a quiet Sunday morning, I once again find myself surrounded by the infantile, the silly, and the downright stupid. Yep, it's pretty much like every other day 'round here....

I think I missed my true calling, y'all. I've discovered that I have a certain flair for writing headlines. What do you think??:

This is what happens when state governments try to make up budget shortfalls.

Should I be worried when I see the words "Bush" and "executes" in the same headline?

Student's first is with champion steer. How sad...and isn't there a law against this sort of thing?

This is what you get for raising children in the middle of nowhere in northern Minnesota.

Yes, Virginia, Bear Whiz Beer is once again fashionable.

OK, I think it's finally time to fire the $&@#!(? headline writer, don't you think??

The Economics of faking an orgasm. No, I DON'T make this stuff up.

If you're going to climb Big Ben as a protest, it would be advisable to bring a sign that can actually be read from the ground, no?

You mean they aren't mascots for the Norwegian national hockey team??

It's not just for breakfast anymore....

Maybe it was the lipstick??

Jayson Blair's evil twin: "But I didn't mean to do it...."

...And last week he was stopped with his ex-wife's head in his carry-on bag.

Things to do in Bozeman when you're dead.

Problem: A truck carrying 75,000 of burritos overturns.
Solution: It's Spring Break. Buy some beer, send out for drunken Psych majors.

On the next "Dr. Phil": When having a dispute with family members, it is generally best not to settle said dispute by throwing acid.

Well, uh, you see...what happened was...we had no case, so we decided to claim "national security". Great, huh? We look like heroes, and the poor shmuck is still guilty in the court of public opinion. God, I LOVE America!!