Caring for Your Introvert: The habits and needs of a little-understood group
Hell is other people at breakfast.
- Jean-Paul Sartre
The setting: a drab, dingy room in the basement of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion Church.
The characters: a band of perhaps a dozen bedraggled, unshaven, and disturbingly reticent and morose men. It could be anywhere in America...well, except for the Texas Gulf Coast, because no thinking person 'round these parts builds anything with a basement. But, I digress....
Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?
If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out?
If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands—and that you aren't caring for him properly. Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.
Hello; my name is Jack, and I am an introvert. It's not that I hate people, but I will admit to the occasional strong dislike. It's true that no man is an island, but there are times when I'd like to test the validity of that theory.
I hate crowds. No, that is not quite accurate. I HATE crowds. My idea of sheer, unadulterated Hell is a shopping mall at the height of the Christmas season. Sporting events? Concerts? Crowded restaurants? I endure them because I have not been able to convince any of these folks to do their thing in front of only me and a few close friends.
I can hold my own around people, and speaking in front of a crowd is not something I live in mortal fear of. In fact, I am quite comfortable with my intelligence and ability to articulate my thoughts. That doesn't mean I have to be the center of attention. Perhaps this is why writing appeals to me. I do it by myself, without the attendant cheering masses that might accompany, say, LeBron James or Tom Brady. Of course, the down side is that I'm not doing milk commercials, either. Then again, you do NOT want to see me with a milk mustache. I'd look like a bulldog who had an unfortunate encounter with a dairy truck.
There are more of us (introverts, that is) around than you might think. We number about 25% of the general population- and significanly more of the gifted and highly intelligent population. This is perhaps why most of us are smart enough not to run for public office.
With the possible exception of Ronald Reagan, whose fabled aloofness and privateness were probably signs of a deep introverted streak (many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors), introverts are not considered "naturals" in politics.
Extroverts therefore dominate public life. This is a pity. If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be a calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place. As Coolidge is supposed to have said, "Don't you know that four fifths of all our troubles in this life would disappear if we would just sit down and keep still?" (He is also supposed to have said, "If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it." The only thing a true introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself.)
I can imagine no greater tragedy than having my personal and public life and history out there in the public arena to be parsed by every moron with a political agenda. I'd rather be forced to walk naked along the shoulder of I-45 in a driving snow storm during morning rush hour. Why anyone would want to subject themselves to the indecencies of running for public office is beyond me. Then again, I'm smart enough to know better.
So, if you're having trouble understanding me, don't be expecting an explanation, because I won't be around to provide one. I'll be looking for that damn island....
