April 9, 2004 6:12 AM

A good resume and a pair of kneepads will go a long ways

Unemployment rate among hot young women holding at zero percent

Hey, if the skirt can even manage to operate a pencil, we'll find something around here for her to do. I always say we're an equal opportunity employer: we'll hire blonds, brunettes, Latinos, Russian girls, whatever. Hell, if the broad - excuse me, applicant - has the assets we need around here, I'll fire somebody to make room for her if I have to. Then everybody's happy.

- Arthur Cerriteno

While us middle-aged white guys are experiencing increasing difficulties in the current job market, there is one group that is experiencing no problems at all.

Washington, D.C. -- Economic analysts were abuzz Monday following the release of February's Labor Department figures, which showed the unemployment rate for hot young women in the U.S. holding steady at zero percent for the 302nd month in a row.

"What these figures say is that if you're looking for work in America right now, you'll have no problem finding it - as long as you're a totally smokin' hot young chick, that is," senior U.S. economist Cary Leahey said in a television interview Sunday. "From small businesses to major corporations, companies across the board are hiring cute young hotties for positions every bit as quickly as they always have."

Independent economic analyst Eli Patterson said the report indicates that although the national jobless rate for run-of-the-mill, average-looking workers actually rose from 5.7 percent in January to 5.9 percent in February, not a single attractive female under the age of 30 is currently unable to find work.

"Sure, today's job market is kind of a nightmare for those unskilled laborers that are maybe a few pounds overweight or not especially striking or, well, male," said Patterson, speaking from his New York office. "But the Labor Department's February figures say conditions remain optimal for gorgeous, barely legal girls to find someone willing to hire them - especially if they wear their hair down and dress in semi-revealing clothes for their interviews. It's little things like that that can catch a human resource manager's eye and go a long way toward getting them the job."

Patterson claimed that thin, young, ultra-sexy women have a distinct advantage in today's job market: "Employers in general seem more willing to take a chance on total drop-dead knockouts."

Total drop-dead knockout. Now THOSE are four words you'll never hear used in a sentence with my name.

Such is the world we live in....

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on April 9, 2004 6:12 AM.

History is more than just one damn thing after another.... was the previous entry in this blog.

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