No jail for the Pennsylvania Pants Pooper
You know you've arrived when the editor of The Poop Report (yes, Virginia, there is an entire website devoted to all matters fecal. There's a joke or six in there, but in the name of good taste, I'll spare everyone.) emails you to ask for your help. Hmm, I wondered...what could I POSSIBLY have done to catch the attention of the often-imitated, never-duplicated Poop Report?
Then it hit me: Troy Musil. A few days ago, I bestowed a DUMB@$$ AWARD on the hapless Mr. Musil, who truly demonstrated his DUMB@$$ AWARD-worthiness:
ERIE, Pa. (AP) - A man who shut down the city's largest reservoir after he tossed a bag containing dirty underwear over its fence was ordered to pay $5,000.
The city bomb squad and hazardous materials crew responded after an Erie Water Works employee became suspicious after he saw the black bag near the 33-million gallon Sigsbee Reservoir on May 27.
The reservoir and surrounding neighborhood was shut down for several hours while the Erie Bomb Squad X-rayed the bag and the Erie County Hazardous Materials Response Team waited to test it.
Police tracked down Troy Musil, 18, of Erie. He told police he'd been ill and soiled his underwear. He changed at a friend's house, then climbed over two barbed-wire-topped fences to ditch the underwear.
Musil pleaded guilty Thursday to defiant trespass. District Justice Dominick DiPaolo gave Musil a 90-day suspended jail sentence and ordered him to pay $500 a month for 10 months to the emergency agencies that responded.
Silly me; I'd thought that was the end of it. Imagine my surprise when Dave, the editor of The Poop Report, emailed me with this plea for help:
You recently posted something about Troy Musil -- the guy who crapped his pants and, in disposing of the evidence, got mistaken for a terrorist. It's a pretty funny story, except for what the AP didn't print: Troy got fired because of this. Troy lost his apartment because of this. And now, if Troy can't come up with $5000 to pay his fine, he's going to jail because of this.
It's really sad and scary to think that pooped pants could lead someone
directly to prison. But even though he's the world's most famous incontinent, Troy can't find another job, so he has no way to pay the fine.PoopReport.com, the web's source for the intellectual appreciation of poop
humor, has taken up Troy's cause. We're trying to get him donations, or a job, or legal advice, or anything that can help him. Please help us raise awareness of this poor kid's plight!
Well, I must admit that this is the first time I can recall ever seeing "intellectual appreciation" and "poop humor" used in the same sentence...but I digress....
Lost in Dave's plea for help is that our DUMB@$$, Mr. Musil, DID place the safety of Erie's water in some jeopardy. This is not to be minimized. In our post-9.11 paranoid world, city water supplies seem obvious and vulnerable targets. In light of that, Musil's sentence makes a bit more sense.
Of course, no one could reasonable argue that, because of one exceedinly poor decision, Troy Musil must now wear a Scarlet Diaper. Look, it may have been a DUMB@$$ thing to do, but does he deserve to be persecuted? How long will this poor kid be treated like a pariah? With no job and no prospect of one, he faces having to figure out how to come up with $500 by August 1st. If he falls short, he'll be going to jail.
If you want to help, or if you're just curious what all of the fuss is about, check out the Poop Report's take on Musil's plight. There is also a link so that you can email Musil if you are so inclined. The Poop Report is taking donations, and as of last night, Troy's Total had reached $133.95. Let's hope that some of that money will go for a box of Depends....
