Hustle is on to meet stars' whims
Freebie Frenzy: No, not for you. For the celebs
I am so glad I'm leaving Miami. MTV's Video Music Awards are in town on Sunday at the American Airlines Arena in Miami Beach. I'm already sick almost to death of hearing about "celebrities this" and "celebrities that", about where they'll party and how they'll be pampered. Is there anything so vain, shallow, and self-absorbed as a group of celebrities used to being constantly told how absolutely and utterly FABULOUS they are?
Some celebrities want Kabbalah water, some want goat's milk, others want extra-crispy Kentucky Fried Chicken. Some requests reflect the silly, others reflect outsized egos. Most can safely be called ridiculous. Of course, that doesn't stop the fawning "little people" from catering to their every to every silly, immature, and/or ridiculous demand.
Another [celebrity] asked for two large bags of M&Ms -- peanut and plain -- along with six little cups and bowls, a quirk ascribed in earlier published reports to Usher.
''He separates all the colors himself before he does any appearance or show,'' [MTV's Michele] Dix said. ''It's something therapeutic, we think.'' (No demands yet to remove brown M&Ms from bowls of the candy, a strange but true request made by Van Halen)....
By now, MTV staffers have pretty much seen it all. But one celebrity decree, made several years ago, had the most jaded handlers taken aback. Adding new dimension to vainglory, an iconic rock star demanded that someone carry a full-length mirror in front of him backstage at all times ''just to make sure he looked great,'' said Dix. The job fell to a rank-and-file MTV office assistant, who met the rock star on the red carpet and spent the next five-and-a-half hours walking backward around Radio City Music Hall, reflecting an outsized ego back to itself.
''You know, you don't ask questions,'' Dix said....
Yet for all the opulent parties and wildly varied requests, the most common celebrity demand is for the simplest of childhood comforts: PB&J.
''No matter what genre, people like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,'' said Dix. "I guess that goes back to kindergarten.''
You know, if you or I were to make a request like this, we'd be roundly (and understandably) ridiculed. I suppose the rich really ARE different. They certainly are a hell of a lot more neurotic, petty, and spoiled.
Jeez, people, get over yourselves already. If y'all were put on an ice floe tomorrow and it drifted over the horizon, would anyone really care? Well, I can only speak for myself, and I can safely say that I'd be pretty happy about the whole thing. After all, it would mean more Kabbalah water, goat's milk, and brown M&Ms for me.
