August 18, 2004 4:09 AM

Well, OK then....

With the sincerest of apologies to David Letterman, whose idea I am shamelessly ripping off, I humbly offer:

THE TOP 10 REASONS TO VOTE FOR GEORGE W. BUSH

10. The 17 percent productivity growth from the first quarter of 2000 to the first quarter of 2004 stands head and shoulders above the growth rate for any comparable period. In the first 13 quarters of the Bush Administration, the basic determinant of our standard of living increased by almost as much as during the entire 32 quarters of the Clinton Administration.

9. The USA Patriot Act brought down the artificial wall separating law enforcement and intelligence officers and allowed them to talk to each other as they work to prevent future attacks.

8. If the Indian tribes sue to get back the land you're living on, which candidate do you want in control?

7. What's more important, knowing how to pronounce "nuclear bombs" or knowing who to drop 'em on?

6. He can't be as dumb as everyone says.

5. He's the only candidate who stands for the principles that originally made this country great - like slavery and denying the vote to women.

4. If Bush had been President, we never would have gotten involved in Vietnam. Especially if he could have been President and still have been "draft age".

3. Big deal, Kerry got the Purple Hearts and Silver Stars. Bush got the Yellow Moons and Green Clovers.

2. Are you a man or not? Our guy - named after a beer. Their guy - named after a character on Sex in the City.

1. Actually, there's no reason to vote for him if you live in Florida. You don't have to. We got that shit under control.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on August 18, 2004 4:09 AM.

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