August 24, 2004 6:00 PM

Yeah, but NBC was happy, because the male demographic went through the roof

Rumors of lesbian activity at the Olympic beach volleyball venue burst out into the open today as American Olympians openly embraced their sexuality on the sands of the volleyball court.

When asked about the graphic displays of sweaty sculpted females athletes openly and loving embracing one another, one American player who spoke on the condition of anonymity said, "Hey, get used to it. We're here, we're queer, and we look better than you do. Deal with it!"

IOC President Jacques Rogge, while hesitant to express open support for such a brazen display of alternative sexuality, did express excitement about the forthcoming video, "Olympic Beach Babes Out Of The Closet".

"Who wouldn't want to see such lithe, tan young beauties writhing in ecstasy on the beach?", Rogge said. "Of course, the IOC's sponsors would not be happy if we were to openly endorse this sort of behavior, but I've already pre-ordered my copy."

How long have I been a fan of the Olympics? Since I found out that women's beach volleyball is one of the sports. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go. I heard that there's a chance that Misty May might fall out of her bikini top.

- American tourist Helmar Odegaard

Officials at the beach volleyball venue say they have noticed a significant increase in the number of males in the stands during the women's competition. Anastasiou Karides, a volunteer at the venue, said that "Some of the men, the Americans in particular, keep talking about a series of videos called 'Girls Gone Wild'. I have no idea what they're talking about, but anything that involves much alcohol and naked women can only be good, no??"

Preliminary reports have shown that the ratings for this afternoon's women's gold medal match were the highest in Olympic history. Sadly for horny guys everywhere, Misty May did not fall out of her bikini top.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on August 24, 2004 6:00 PM.

You gotta love advice that begins with "Stop smacking the b***h" was the previous entry in this blog.

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