OK, let’s just be right up front about this: Houston is a city with a serious inferiority complex. Perhaps it’s…oh, I don’t know…the smog, the heat, the humidity, the mosquitoes, the cockroaches, or the traffic that gives the city a (not undeserved) lousy reputation. Let’s face it, y’all; Houston is not exactly Charm City. Actually, most of it is an absolute armpit (hey, I’m just being honest here). No matter how much lipstick Mayor White and his smiling, happy spin patrol puts on this pig, it’s still a pig, and it ain’t pretty. This is a big reason why I don’t live in Houston. I don’t mind big cities, but I dislike ugly big cities…and they don’t come much uglier or more charmless than Houston.
Even so, Houston’s city fathers and others with a financial stake in convincing people that Houston is, if not Paradise, then close to it, have taken their crusade to the Web. Houston. It’s Worth it. is an effort to convince people, both in Houston and and in the civilized world that Spaced City is an OK place. In the interest of civic boosterism, I’ve decided to list a few reader contributions.
What makes Houston worth it?
The PEOPLE - because they are (mostly) sincere…
It might not be the best place in the world to live
House of Pies
Three words: Concealed handgun law
New York was getting crowded
Can’t really say exactly why it’s worth it.
Where else can you find that prototypical American duality of religious conservatism coupled with shameless laissez faire capitalism where the rich continually bilk the common man in the name of God, country and freedom? HALLIBURTON ROCKS!
Houston is worth it… because were the only city that can take everyone’ bull honky and not care about it.
Many folks complain about the stench along the ship channel…I call it ‘the smell of money’! Yee Haw!!
Let’s admit it, fat people are happier people!
Please, stop the madness! Change your slogan, because this is embarrassing. How about: “Houston: Be Yourself” This city is too damn self conscious!
Two words: Lone Star Beer
The humidity is GREAT for your skin!
If Houston were a dog, she’d be a mutt with 3 legs, one bad eye, fleas the size of corn nuts, and buck teeth. Despite all that, she’d be the best dog you’ll ever know.
Despite all of the problems in the world, synchronizing the traffic lights was still our #1 priority.
Because we’re smart enough to depend on our cars because walking is just too damn tiring!
Because despite the rising cost of gasoline, we still drive our big trucks and suv’s with the A/C blasting.
We destroy our Historical places so everything’s new. Our Politicians are always perfect, just ask them. We don’t have to shovel our water. We have fish in our bayous with more eyes than anywhere else. Our Crime rate stays high. We love concrete more than our friends that’s why we pave over the neighborhoods.
You don’t have to scrape hot weather off your windshield or shovel it from your driveway.
I’ll take the Houston heat, flooding and flying cockroahes over Oklahoma’s snow, drought and snoozing job market anyday.
I’ve always been suicidal. Heat stroke, West Nile Virus and Petroleum Industry-induced asthma attacks mean I can die without losing a chance at the insurance money.
The police will never find me here!
For the electronic Freeway signs proclaiming “Ozone Watch Today” How do you watch for a colorless gas?
You don’t have to shovel humidity!
Because it’s not Dallas.
There is something soothing about the color of concrete… the soft whir of auto engines… the thickness of the air
No zoning!
2 million people can’t be wrong…….can they?
I’ll put up with heat and humidity, for ~40 degrees to be our winter.
Crime Lab!
It’s a great place to live, but I wouldn’t want to visit there.
Because we can watch professional hockey in air conditioned comfort. GO AEROS!
Houstonians’ strange predilection for drinking frosty margaritas on outdoor patios only steps away from the fumes of traffic rushing past
Because it’s only 2.5 hours from Austin
Dating in Austin sucks. About every couple of months, a single girl’s gotta drive all the way to Houston for a weekend of aggressive men who aren’t afraid to come up and tell a lady hello.
Houston- ah! how I miss your infinite strip malls and humidity.
We have an abundant amount of massage parlors at competitive prices.
Houston is the city without shame: you can be single and drive an 8-mpg SUV and live in a 3,500 sf house and nobody cares. Our environment is ours - and, goshdarnit, we’re gonna use it.
It’s not as bad as a lot of outsiders say
It will prepare you for HELL!
You’re never more than a few feet away from a gas station or strip club!
We’ve got two Chinatowns!!!
The last time it snowed and actually stuck to the ground was sometime in the middle 70’s.
The traffic, the aggressive weather and dominant insect population keep all the wussies out of our hair.
You can drink margaritas on a patio in January!
In Houston the cockroaches only fly, in New York they pull up in a van.
I used to think Houston lacked character … and yes, after living here for a year, I think it does.
Where else can you travel from your air conditioned home, in your air conditioned car to your air conditioned office?
Because it’s not Philadelphia.
Because I don’t have enough black clothes to live in Dallas and Austin is too far from LSU football. Oh, and sitting in traffic makes me feel alive.
Even in the hottest summer it will be better than Tchernobyl in February
No toll roads…uh, strike that - we have the Sam Houston Screw Way. No mass transit…uh, strike that - we have that train that runs into everybody. No zoning, so we can build a house of beer cans in any neighborhood!
It is NOT Dallas.
Because we actually find and produce the energy that Bostonians consume, but only whine about.
If there is one thing I’ve discovered in my assorted travels, it’s that you can be happy anywhere if you put your mind to it. Houston is no different. It may be an armpit, but if you look closely enough, it does have a lot to offer…just not enough to convince me to live there.
