SHUT UP and VOTE! Your gateway drug to civic involvement.
At this point in the campaign, I would imagine that John Kerry would appreciate anything resembling good news. I’m not sure that this is it, necessarily, but are Klingons any worse than NeoConservatives? Of course, neocons can vote; Klingons are…well, I’m not exactly certain just WHAT they are. I am fairly certain they’re not US citizens. Whatever the case, just don’t piss them off.
Of course, if Klingons can be swayed, perhaps we should begin working on the Borg Collective? If we could convince them to assimilate the Bush Campaign, or at the very least Smear Boat Veterans for Truth…be still, my foolish heart…. Of course, if that doesn’t work, I’d settle for assimilating Dick Cheney.
These guys would sure be a kick in the @$$ on the campaign trail, wouldn’t they??
Even as John Kerry struggles to establish national-security credentials nationally, an exclusive WW straw poll shows his campaign dominating one skeptical, warlike demographic: Klingons.
The poll, conducted when the DVD release of the Star Trek fan documentary Trekkies 2 attracted Portland’s Klingon community to Tower Records on Southeast 102nd Avenue, may spell trouble for President George W. Bush….
According to the poll of eight local Klingons, a whopping 75 percent support the Democratic nominee.
Two Klingons polled—or 25 percent—said they planned to write in Satan.
Bush scored an abysmal zero percent in the poll….
Portland Klingon speakers are increasingly influential. Last year, Multnomah County’s mental-health services opened a search for a Klingon interpreter to work with speakers of the language.* Though the Klingons polled all appeared to be registered voters, they emulate an unfamiliar political system.
“On the home world, if there had been a contested election between Gore and Bush, the honorable thing would be for Gore to kill Bush,” explained Khraanik (Earth name: Jason Lewis), a 38-year-old from Southeast Portland. “Or the other way around. And then ascend to the head of the High Council.”
It’s too early for Kerry to chill the ceremonial bloodwine, but Portland Klingons are clearly warming to the cerebral Massachusetts Democrat….
Neither the Bush nor Kerry campaigns were immediately available for comment on the poll results.
[* No, we’re not making this up.]
Now if we could just find a way to use these folks to convince undecided voters….
Hey, I wonder if…nah, ritually sacrificing Republicans would be a bit too much to countenance, even for me.
I sure do miss Portland sometimes….
