December 13, 2004 6:44 AM

Not just anyone can be a troll

THE MALKIN AWARD

Who really cares what Hollywood thinks? All these hacks come out there. Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular. It’s not a secret, OK? And I’m not afraid to say it. That’s why they hate this movie. It’s about Jesus Christ, and it’s about truth. It’s about the messiah. Hollywood likes anal sex. They like to see the public square without nativity scenes. I like families. I like children. They like abortions. I believe in traditional values and restraint. They believe in libertinism. We have nothing in common.

  • Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League, Scarborough Country

I know what you’re thinking: “You know, I can write self-important, insulting, pseudo-intellectual tripe, because I’m a hot Republican vixen, and Democrats secretly want me.” OK, Cowboy, here’s your chance to prove your mettle, and you don’t even have to flash your boobs…not that anyone ‘round these parts would have a problem with that should you feel inclined to do so. ;0)

Andrew Sullivan is running a contest who time has definitely come:

THE MALKIN AWARD: Every now and again, you have to hand it to a polemicist. Here’s one single sentence from Michelle Malkin’s latest column:

Perhaps too much drug-addled ’60s nostalgia has burnt out the bleeding-hearts pacifists’ brain cells.

One sentence; four cliche-ridden, playground insults. Can you beat it? Contestants can be nominated from either right or left; but the sentence must be entirely devised to insult; it should be completely devoid of originality; it must have at least two hoary, dead-as-a-Norwegian-parrot cliches; and it must assume that readers already agree with the writer. Arbitrary mean-spiritedness wins extra points. Nominations for the Malkin Award are now open.

Entries can be emalied to andrew@andrewsullivan.com. Enter early and often. Later today, I’m going sit down, clear my mind, and see if I can channel Malkin in order that I may submit my entries forthwith. Many aspire to the heights (or depths, depending on your point of view) of trolldom achieved by Michelle Malkin, but precious few attain. Here’s your opportunity.

Here are a couple of early entries to inspire you:

MALKIN AWARD NOMINEE I: “There are certain things you want to avoid like an aloof Beacon Hill windsurfer with a crazy gypsy wife, crazed lunatics like Michael Moore sitting in the seat of honor at the convention, shadowy billionaires like George Soros paying for everything — I mean, why that didn’t play in the heartland I’ll never understand.”

MALKIN AWARD NOMINEE II: “Criminal lawyers and all the mushy rabble of do-gooders and bleeding hearts in society and politics have marched under the Freudian flag toward the omnipotent state of Karl Marx.”

  • Newburgh City Manager Joseph Mitchell, as cited by Mickey Kaus.

Party on, Garth….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on December 13, 2004 6:44 AM.

Next week, he goes to work for the Federal Reserve Bank was the previous entry in this blog.

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