Those of us who live in the Houston area know what an ugly, dull, uninspiring, occasionally smelly place it is. Speaking for myself, this is why I don’t live in Houston. (Seabrook, thankfully, is not Houston.) We don’t have to be reminded of this by a supercilious jackass who, on his first trip, thinks it’s duty to be cute as he tells us of his unfavorable first impression.
Houston is the least vertical city in America. The land is flat, the buildings are flat, even the food is flat. Steaks, tortillas. The motto here seems to be Spread It Out. You drive down I-45 and the sprawl keeps going, flatly, everything having precisely the vertical profile of a car dealership. I’m not trying to ridicule it. Not me! I’m from a place that would fit into the parking lot of your average Houston shopping mall. I don’t believe in condescension. Condescension is beneath me. I’m sure the Houstonians like living in a place that has yet to discover the concept of zoning.
I’m getting hungry for a heapin’ helpin’ of Houston food, maybe a slab of beef the size of a banjo. Weirdly I am driving a pickup truck, as that was the only car available at Thrifty. Feel like I ought to go pick up a keg somewhere. The pickup cost $113 a day, not including vicious taxes, like the “Stadium tax.” I was told that the rates were so high because an oil and gas convention is taking place in town, but that’s confusing: I thought Houston WAS an oil and gas convention. This is one of those how-can-you-tell situations.
Y’know, I was taught that it’s better to respect the home of others than to prove yourself a total jackass (or, in this case, a total DUMB@$$) by demonstrating what a bunch of beef-addled, pickup-lovin’, oil-soaked maroons we are here in the Redneck Paradise we’ve all apparently been sentenced to.
My friend Douglas Cudd has an interesting view on this:
No place is perfect, and Houston isn’t without its faults, but hey man, and I mean this in the nicest way I know how to say it, Houston’s not for you. It’s still a free country, so don’t let the state line hit ya where the good lord split ‘ya….
I’m not going to defend urban sprawl, which is of course not unique to Houston, but Texas is blessed with a whole bunch of space, and we unapologetically use it. Maybe not always to it’s fullest esoteric architectural potential, but we’re not going to apologize for not stacking ourselves on top of each other when the next block is empty, either….
Look, Houston isn’t perfect, but with the MALLification of America, what place is? If you awoke blindfolded in any city in America, I’d say “what the hell are you doing just now waking up, and why do you have a blindfold on?” Then I’d ask if you could distinguish this generic city from any other place in the country [it’s called Generica for a resaon]. After a quick survey of landscape, similar urban planning and ubiquitous fast food, I contend that you could not, at least 90% of the time.
So lay off of Houston. I know that Bush-whacking is now considered haute couture among most blue-staters, but leave Texas, and specifically Houston, alone. Please?
Keep in mind that sum’bitch is from New Haven, anyway.
Yeah, now THERE’S something to be proud of….
Look, we’re fully aware of and familiar with the problems Houston has. It’s why I rarely go into the city. For some reason, though, we stay. Who knows why? Perhaps it’s because trailers are cheaper here? Or there’s more available land to park a double-wide on? Or even that all of the pollution sure makes for beautiful sunsets?
If you don’t like it here, fine. Go back to your snowdrifts, your sub-freezing temperatures, and your wealthy, Fat Cat Paradise. That’ll leave more steak and cheap gas for the rest of us.
Remember, ‘tis better to be thought a DUMB@$$ than to put it in writing and remove all doubt….
Joel Achenbach is condescending, and I can see how that would get a lot of backs up but... how should I say this?
In urban planning circles -- at least, the urban planning schools I know about in Canada -- Houston is often held up as the poster boy of urban sprawl and poor planning -- or possibly even no planning.
Is it true that Houston has three separate downtowns? Then remember the studies (and "Super Size Me") which show how many Texas cities are among America's top ten most obese. With the car culture and the sprawl, this is not a coincidence.
Urban sprawl is a problem everywhere, but it's under better control in some cities. It's an issue in Ontario, and Portland, Oregon is often shown as the lead example of how we should go. I have to say that I didn't experience real sprawl until I visited my wife's home town of Omaha, Nebraska. That's a city that's rapidly building itself into a sprawl problem. And from what I've heard, Omaha has nothing on Houston.
If left unaddressed, this is going to cause social and fiscal problems, not to mention problems with air quality.
But Joel Achenbach does sabotage his own case, doesn't he? Somebody should have told him that if he wanted to change people's minds, he'd attract far more flies with honey instead of vinegar. And probably honesty instead of sarcasm.
James, I've lived in both Houston and Portland, OR, and I can testify that no one in their right mind would hold Houston up as an example worth following. Portland has it's own issues, and a much different topography, but yes, the city has done it about as well as one could reasonably hope for.
As far as Houston having three downtowns, I suppose that would depend on how you define "downtown". There is the "official" downtown, the Texas Medical Center, and the Galleria area. It's big, it's spread out, and it is poorly planned. I suppose that is what happens when you have a city with no zoning and precious little centralized planning. It also explains why life here without an automobile is an exceedingly unpleasant prospect.
Urban sprawl is why I do not live IN Houston. Seabrook is about 30 miles from downtown, so if I want to go to an Astros or Rockets game, or a play, those things are accessible. I just (thankfully) don't have to deal with them every day.
As for your last paragraph, I couldn't agree more. Superciliousness in support of an argument only serves to insult the intelligence of those you are trying to convince.
Well, this former urban planner recalls being taught in school that Houston was indeed the poster boy for bad planning, and I used that line in a lot of speeches to sell one particular plan or another in the various cities in which I worked. Clearly, urban sprawl in Houston and elsewhere is expensive. All these streets and utility lines have to be paid for by somebody, not to mention the personal cost of time spent driving at least 45 minutes to an hour to get to one's job. As I write this, I look out at the suburban development in which I reside and feel a bit guilty. of course. On the other hand, try researching housing prices in the Heights or West University...clearly people love an urban environment, even in Houston, and are willing to pay big bucks to avoid the hassles of urban sprawl.
As a previous long-time resident of Houston, now living in Boston (for the job, and a good one at that), I feel qualified to comment. I like and miss Houston's sprawl, and conveniences, and neighborhoods, and, yes, it's seperate "downtown" areas.
I've lived in the Galleria area, Northwest (290 and 1960), and Champions. Wherever I was, I could get to whatever I needed (shops, restaurants, theaters, parks) with a minimum of driving. And when I got there, I could park. In Boston, I don't go many places, because they're too far, and parking is rare and expensive. In my town (Reading, 20 miles north of Boston "downtown") there are 2 grocery stores, and maybe 5 restaurants. In the Champions area, there was more than that in a 2-block area.
I've formulated a "Quality of Life" indicator called the ASI Index. "Assholes per Square Inch." In Texas the urban sprawl keeps the index at a low number, 0.000x. In Boston, sometimes it seems the index approaches 1.
I've learned to like many things about Boston, and I love much of Texas. Urban sprawl is not something I have ever complained about.
I used to live in Houston and this always struck me funny. My apt was off of I-1O in the West. I had a Houston address. Yet, right by my house, there was a mile marker sign that read "Houston 17 Miles." :D
I heartily agree with Tom. My part of Houston has a relatively low ASI quotent, I can get to work in minutes (even during rush hour), there are numerous amenities within easy driving distance, and I can always park (for free) when I get there. I don't have neighbors above or below me, and my yard is much bigger than my house (unlike other cities I've visited). I can also get to any of the "downtowns" easily for events. Y'all can go back to your "master planned" cities - Houston works for me.
I moved into downtown Houston over a year ago, and it was the best descision I have ever made. Sure, the rent's high, but I feel like I live in an entirely different city. It's amazing. Everything is right outside my window, and driving? The most traffic I fight is the downtown lights.
What's really awesome about living downtown though is I NEVER leave the loop. I have no reason to. Everything I need is here, and in comparison to the rest of the city is extremely well laid-out. I don't even feel like the city even exists outside of the loop (610) anymore. It seems like most of the people who talk down on Houston never see this side of it. The side that doesn't friggin' kill you with 45 minute commutes and strip malls, the side that feels world-class, because it is.
It's worth every extra cent I pay just to see this side of the city, and I think more and more people are starting to feel that way. New developments are popping up everywhere, and regardless of what I think about gentrification issues, it's exciting, and it feels like Houston is becoming a "real" city as opposed to a mass of ugly suburban collectives.
I'm intrigued.
Having looked at the original article, I can see how the opening paragraph would be offensive but you seem to have accepted that paragraph unchallenged. Please pardon my ignorance of your city, state and to a large degree, continent, but I just don't see what there is to take offence at in the two paragraphs you quoted.
Can you explain for an interested foreigner exactly what got your goat?
I have lived in Houston (or more recently in Katy) for 19 years. I have lived and worked all over the US, however, and grew up in Colorado. The one thing I always find funny/ironic is how sensitive people are here to criticism of their community. Houston gets tagged by a magazine that no one reads as the "Fattest City in America" and the Op Ed section of the local paper spends a week decrying the indignancy. My neighbor hears someone talking about the negative aspects of Houston, and he responds "Yankee go home".
If you go to NYC or LA or San Francisco or Miami or Denver and criticize their city, they don't respond. They don't give a shit what you think of their city. They love their city and don't care who doesn't. We are so insecure about Houston because we know in our hearts that much of the criticism is true.
That doesn't mean I plan on moving away, but maybe we should at least listen to our critics once in a while.
I find it ironic that urban sprawl should be linked to convenience. I have to ask, imagine what your life would be like if, for a period of time, you had no access to a car. Could you continue to do the things you loved to do on a daily basis? Could you shop, visit friends and relatives, go to the doctor or take your kids to school? And, if not, is such a community really convenient?
Growing up most of my life in downtown Toronto, I didn't learn how to drive until I was 23, and four years removed from the city. I simply did not need to drive in order to get around and do my day to day activities -- even my weekly trip to the supermarket.
Since then, I've come to understand the freedom that driving an automobile represents, especially as I take my 2000 miles drive to see my in-laws in Omaha during Christmas. The car is a wonderful luxury that every American should enjoy.
However, if we build our communities in such a way that our cars cease to be luxuries to be enjoyed, but necessities of life, how does the car represent freedom, again?