February 5, 2005 7:22 AM

Another DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener

Act of kindness will cost girls $900

DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener #192: Wanita Renea Young

Two teenage girls made a decision that any parent would be proud of. So what happens? Yep, they end up paying for it…literally.

Taylor Ostergaard and Lindsey Jo Zellitti decided not to go to a party which they felt might involve inappropriate behavior. Not being the type to sit on their hands, they decided that it might be a good time to do something nice for their neighbors. So, they baked cookies and then went from door to door passing them out. OK, so it was after 10pm, but how many teenagers do you know who turn in early on a Friday night? It’s not as if they got drunk, grabbed some guns, hopped in Daddy’s F-150, and drove around shooting up mailboxes. In retrospect, the girls might have been better off if they’d done that as opposed to making an effort to be good neighbors.

In the exuberance of youth, neither Ms. Ostergaard nor Ms. Zellitti anticipated that some folks might be less than receptive to their acts of charity and neighborliness. Nor did they realize that some, in fact, would immediately assume the worst, figuring that no teenager knocking on doors after 10pm could be engaged in anything but the most nefarious and malicious of deeds.

Our intrepid DUMB@$$, who apparently couldn’t be bothered to do anything other than react negatively and assume the worst, decided that it was time to teach these clearly out-of-control, ill-behaved urchins a lesson.

DURANGO, Colo. ó Two teenage girls who surprised their neighbors with homemade cookies late one night were ordered to pay nearly $900 in medical bills for a woman who says she was so startled that she had to go to the hospital.

Judge Doug Walker declined Thursday to award punitive damages, saying he did not believe the girls acted maliciously.

Taylor Ostergaard, 17, and Lindsey Jo Zellitti, 18, baked the chocolate chip and sugar cookies one night last July. They made packages with a half-dozen cookies each and added large red or pink construction-paper hearts that carried the message, “Have a great night” and were signed with their first initials: “Love, The T and L Club.” Then they set off to make their deliveries.

Wanita Renea Young, 49, said she was at her rural home south of Durango around 10:30 p.m. when she said saw “shadowy figures” outside the house banging repeatedly on her door. She yelled, “Who’s there?” but no one answered, and the figures ran away.

Frightened, she spent the night at her sister’s home, then went to the hospital the next morning because she was still shaking and had an upset stomach.

The families of the girls offered to pay Ms. Young’s bills, but this being America, and in true DUMB@$$ tradition, she declined the offer and filed suit. What’s a woman to do?

Instead of attempting to determine why the girls did what they did in the way they did it, Ms. Young ran straight to the courts for relief. This was a matter that could (and should) easily have been settled by involving the parents. After all, it’s not as if the girls were doing anything malicious. Unless you’re Wanita Renea Young, and you live in fear of everything.

G—DAMN KIDS….

Young said the teenagers showed “very poor judgment”

“The victory wasn’t sweet,” Young said. “I’m not gloating about it. I just hope the girls learned a lesson.”

The teens said they did not answer when the woman called out because they wanted the treats to be a surprise.

So what have we learned from this abortive attempt at kindness, kids? How about as punishment you stay in your room and write out the lesson 500 times, OK?

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED….

Congratulations, Ms. Young. If EVER there was a DUMB@$$ worthy of this “prestigious” award, you would be it. Though many aspire, few attain. You, however, have truly demonstrated your worthiness as a DUMB@$$ by going far above and beyond the call duty in demonstrating yourself to be a mean-spirited, over-reactive curmudgeon who sees and immediately assumes only the worst in others.

Now it’s time to crawl back into your lonely, miserable, fear-based existence. You deserve nothing less.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on February 5, 2005 7:22 AM.

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