There are times when it seems as if finding oneself in Florida means adapting to the reality that one may as well be on another planet. Maybe it’s the heat…or the humidity…or perhaps there’s just something in the water. Whatever the reason, it would be difficult to argue with the assessment that something is clearly out of whack in the Sunshine State:
23 Women Busted For Prostitution In Daytona Beach: Daytona Beach police conducted the operation after receiving several tips that women in the area were offering sex for money…. Of course, that IS the textbook definition of prostitution, no? Generally speaking, it’s probably more lucrative than offering recitations of Homer’s Iliad for money….
Mother Arrested For Having Sex With Son’s Friend: According to the police report, Mary Lee Worley admitted to the victim’s father that she had sex with the 15-year-old boy in her home while he was spending the night with her son sometime last month. Right; we like ‘em young and stupid….
Police: Man’s Notes Demanded Women Strip In Parking Lot: A 27-year-old married man was arrested and charged for allegedly leaving threatening notes on women’s cars demanding that they remove their panties and leave them in the space where their vehicle was parked…. “Koger demanded that the women remove their underwear and place the garment in the parking space where he would presumably pick it up later,” Local 6 News reporter Nancy Alvarez said. “If they didn’t comply, he threatened to find them and perform various sex acts.”….Hoo boy; somebody’s gonna have some ‘splainin’ to do when he gets home, eh??
Lafave Rejects Plea Deal, Date Set For Trial: “Negotiations have broken off and now it’s going to trial”, defense attorney John Fitzgibbons said…. Fitzgibbons said the prosecution’s plea deal involved significant prison time” and he found that unacceptable. “To place Debbie into a Florida state women’s penitentiary, to place an attractive young woman in that kind of hell hole, is like putting a piece of raw meat in with the lions,” Fitzgibbons said.…. OK, so I suppose an alternative punishment would be to take away her Manolo Blahniks and permanently bar her from Starbucks? Yes, Ms. LaFave, no more over-priced strappy sandals or caramel mocha frappucinos for you! (NOOOOO!!!!!!!)
Steamy magazines may violate sex offenders’ probation: Authorities are sending convicted sex offenders to jail on probation violations for having racy magazines such as Maxim…. Officers searched the Miami home of Andrew Calderon on May 18 and found a sexy calendar, a racy poster, and a few copies of Maxim magazine…. Corrections officials said Calderon, who was on probation for the sexual battery of a mentally disabled relative, committed a violation by having “sexually stimulating” material…. And I suppose this means Calderon is going to have to cancel his Sports Illustrated subscription before the Swimsuit Edition comes out??
Beholders of a piece of art in Wellington of art are of two minds: But it’s the part of her anatomy swelling ó bounteously, unsparingly, abundantly ó between slender neck and shimmery tail that has this village talking. “She’s a cross between Mae West, Marilyn Monroe and Pamela Anderson,” said a senior tennis buff, who asked that his name not be associated with such things. “The people who are complaining must be jealous.”…. Uh…they may not be real, but they certainly ARE spectacular.
Florida Police Search for Naked Tickler: Police are on the lookout for the naked tickler. Investigators said they believe one man could be responsible for a series of bizarre break-ins in which a naked man enters victims’ rooms while they are sleeping and tries to tickle their feet. The naked tickler struck again in New Smyrna Beach over the weekend…. Some folks will do ANYTHING to earn a spot on Florida’s sex offender registry.
Lightning injures four on Clearwater Beach: The bolt flickered for about three seconds. Then, the man’s arms went up in the air and the electricity appeared to lift him out of the water, Pitcher said. When the bolt disappeared, he dropped back in the water and sank…. Don’t they teach you in, like, grade school that you get the hell out of the water if there is lightning or bad weather in the area??
Mailman is new Hemingway … look-alike: A Florida mailman credited his persistence with winning Key West’s annual Ernest Hemingway look-alike competition, beating nearly 160 snowy-haired men resembling the Nobel Prize-winning U.S. writer…. Thankfully, this year’s competition was the first in recent memory to not require contestants to enter the shotgun-swallowing contest.
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