Between innings of the Astros-Mets game last night, I flipped over to ESPN as SportsCenter was ending just in time to hear this: “Coming up next on ESPN- Competitive Eating!” WTF? Yes, Virginia, it would appear that gluttony is now a competitive sport. So how long before adultery also becomes recognized as a competitive sport? (Man, I can hardly wait for the instant replay on THAT one, eh?)
I watched a couple of minutes of the US Open of Competitive Eating (no joke), and it was like watching a train wreck. You know a cow’s going to get it; you just don’t know where or when. One of the events involved competitors going mano a mano shovelling large quantities of Italian salad into their mugs. The play-by-play guys were criticizing one of the competitors for an “instrumentation error” (“Wow, now that was a rookie mistake!!”). What, like eating utensils are differentiated like golf clubs?? If the object is to shovel as much salad into your face as possible, does it matter which utensil you use to accomplish it with? Apparently so.
As I was watching this spectacle, and being throughly disgusted by it, all I could think was, “Well, at least they’ll be regular with all the roughage they’re getting, eh?” (Which way to the vomitorium??)
Later in the show it was some sort of hamburger and french-fry concoction that became the weapon of choice. Jeez, I can hardly wait for dessert….
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