Another DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener

SAN DIEGO, California (AP) — Rep. Randy “Duke” Cunningham pleaded guilty Monday to conspiracy and tax charges and tearfully resigned from office, admitting he took $2.4 million in bribes to steer defense contracts to conspirators.

Cunningham, 63, entered pleas in U.S. District Court to charges of conspiracy to commit bribery, mail fraud and wire fraud, and tax evasion for underreporting his income in 2004.

Cunningham answered “yes, Your Honor” when asked by U.S. District Judge Larry Burns if he had accepted bribes from someone in exchange for his performance of official duties.

Later, at a news conference, he wiped away tears as he announced his resignation….

“I can’t undo what I have done but I can atone,” he said.

Hmm…might I recommend seppuku? Hey, it’s always worked for the Japanese…. Yes, there is nothing quite like ritual suicide when you’ve disgraced yourself, your family, and your party. Of course, most Republicans are probably only upset because Cunningham was stupid enough to get caught and ruin things for everyone. Cunningham falling on his sword would merely be a case of too little, too late.

Normally, I’m not one to take enjoyment out of someone else’s misfortunes and suffering, but I will easily and willingly make an exception for Cunningham, who has never been one of the Republican Party’s bright lights. Actually, in terms of intellectual candlepower, Cunningham would barely be able to power a night light.

The former Vietnam War flying ace was known on Capitol Hill for his interest in defense issues and his occasional temperamental outbursts.

Not to mention for being as thick as a brick. If you’re going to take over $2 million in bribes, it would stand to reason that you’d want to exercise at least a minimum of discretion and cover your tracks. Cunningham did neither, and now we can all be entertained by the mental midgetry that is Randy Cunningham.

In a statement, prosecutors said Cunningham admitted to receiving at least $2.4 million in bribes paid to him by several conspirators through a variety of methods, including checks totaling over $1 million, cash, rugs, antiques, furniture, yacht club fees and vacations.

“He did the worst thing an elected official can do — he enriched himself through his position and violated the trust of those who put him there,” U.S. Attorney Carol Lam said. The statement did not identify the conspirators.

The case began when authorities started investigating whether Cunningham and his wife, Nancy, used the proceeds from the $1,675,000 sale to defense contractor Mitchell Wade to buy the $2.55 million mansion in Rancho Santa Fe. Wade put the Del Mar house back on the market and sold it after nearly a year for $975,000 — a loss of $700,000.

He drew little notice outside his San Diego-area district before the San Diego Union-Tribune reported last June that he’d sold the home to Wade.

WTF? Cunningham’s financial shenanigans with Mitchell Wade are just a little bit too obvious to be believable, but apparently Cunningham (not to mention Wade) really IS that stupid. As a result, he gets the paragraph attached to him that always warms my heart when it’s attached to a Republican:

After the hearing, Cunningham was taken away for fingerprinting and released on his own recognizance until a February 27 sentencing hearing. He could receive up to 10 years in prison.

Perhaps with any luck, we will soon see the same paragraph attached to Our Glorious Leader and his henchmen.

Ah, yes…my business is DUMB@$$E$, and business is GOOD….

Just in case any of y’all were interested in what a man admiiting to being a complete and total DUMB@$$ sounds like, here’s the transcript:

I am resigning from the House of Representatives because Ive compromised the trust of my constituents.

When I announced several months ago that I would not seek re-election, I publicly declared my innocence because I was not strong enough to face the truth. So, I misled my family, staff, friends, colleagues, the public — even myself. For all of this, I am deeply sorry.

The truth is — I broke the law, concealed my conduct, and disgraced my high office. I know that I will forfeit my freedom, my reputation, my worldly possessions, and most importantly, the trust of my friends and family.

Some time ago, I asked my lawyers to inform the U.S. Attorney Carol Lam that I would like to plead guilty and begin serving a prison term. Today is the culmination of that process. I will continue to cooperate with the governments ongoing investigation to the best of my ability.

In my life, I have known great joy and great sorrow. And now I know great shame. I learned in Viet Nam that the true measure of a man is how he responds to adversity. I cannot undo what I have done. But I can atone. I am now almost 65 years old and, as I enter the twilight of my life, I intend to use the remaining time that God grants me to make amends.

The first step in that journey is to admit fault and apologize. The next step is to face the consequences of my actions like a man. Today, I have taken the first step and, with Gods grace, I will soon take the second.

And the first step in recognizing that you’re a DUMB@$$ is to stand up like a man, make sure the microphones are on, and announce in a firm voice:

YES, THE RUMORS ARE TRUE…I AM A DUMB@$$….