SAN MATEO COUNTY: Man sentenced in meth-from-urine mishap
How desperate, how pathethic, how thoroughly f——d up are you when you are reduced to trying to distill methamphetamine from your own urine? Theoretically, it’s possible, but you’d need to be peeing continuously for hours in order to produce enough urine to be able to extract a usable amount of meth. Ewww….
Of course, a reality that would deter normal, well-adjusted folks seldom will seldom hold a DUMB@$$ back from his appointed rounds. Such is the case of Daniel Zeiszler, who manages to display a surprisingly amount of enterprise and intellectual curiosity for a DUMB@$$. Then again, Zeiszler’s little experiment did empty out a hotel and require the response of a Hazmat team.
There was a scientific method to Daniel Zeiszler’s madness when he tried to extract methamphetamine from his own urine, after smoking the illegal street drug last September in his South San Francisco hotel room.
But Zeiszler’s experiment went dangerously awry when he spilled some solvent on himself, then lit a cigarette while he contemplated his next move, starting a fire that burned his right hand and arm.
The hotel was evacuated. Firefighters were summoned. So were hazardous materials experts.
Zeiszler, a 22-year-old employee of a San Francisco recycling depot, landed in jail.
Which, not surprisingly, is where a large percentage of DUMB@$$ AWARD wieners end up. Stoopid is as stoopid does, no?
“Did you know you can get methamphetamine from urine?” asked an incredulous Steve Wagstaffe, San Mateo County chief deputy district attorney, in an interview after the sentencing. “The methodology this guy used would work, but it would take bottles and bottles of urine — not one void of a bladder.”
Make that gallons of urine, said William Johnston, Zeiszler’s attorney, who described his client’s attempt to reclaim excreted methamphetamine from his urine as a “really, really silly” move….
“I suspect that, more than anything, Steve was doing this as an intellectual proposition,” said Johnston, adding that Zeiszler had no record of prior arrests. “He is a bright, articulate young man who was wasting his life playing around with this stuff. Anybody who would — for fun — read a chemistry text should be in school instead of sitting in San Mateo County Jail.”
Which is exactly where he intends to be after he is released, Zeiszler told the judge at his sentencing.
Yes, he may be a DUMB@$$, but it would seem that the intrepied Zeiszler had quite a future ahead of him as a chemist. Let’s just hope he’ll be able to find something more productive to do with his talents.
