Jessica Alba Gets All Angry At Playboy
Alba plays hardball with Playboy
Jessica Alba is a serious actress with several films under her belt, like the Jessica Alba dancing film, the Jessica Alba swimsuit film, the Jessica Alba stripper film and the Jessica Alba skintight superhero film. Despite obviously being a very staid, dignified actress who never lets audiences judge her physical merits before her acting skill, it seems as if some people only want to discuss Jessica Alba’s naked body.
Gee, whodathunkit? Horny men appreciate Jessica Alba for her physical attributes more than her acting “skill”. Alba, who no doubt aspires to be known as the next Kate Hepburn, must be doing a slow burn knowing that men are mentally undressing her every time they see her onscreen in a wet, tight, skimpy bikini. This would, I imagine, account for Alba’s threat to sue Playboy for putting a picture of her on the cover of this month’s issue. I mean, can’t a girl get a break?? Does it always have to be about sex? Must Ms. Alba always have to contend with being a sexual object for the (self) gratification of men?
And, for now, it’s a tactic that seems to be paying off; after all, all the men on the internet want Jessica Alba to be their girlfriend - and, boy, do those men who hang out online all day ever have high standards.
However, all this male attention seems to be having some unwanted consequences for young Jessica. Like the fact that Playboy magazine stuck a giant photo of her on the cover of its March issue without asking her. As a result, Alba is threatening to sue the publication for causing her career “immeasurable harm” by giving the impression that she’s in the magazine with her lady-bazzers out. Which she isn’t.
Well, it would seem that the editors of Playboy may have done a bit of an end run on Ms. Alba, and she’s here to let us know that the is made as hell and she isn’t taking it any more. Yeah, right. Whatever….
According to reports, Playboy approached Jessica Alba to feature in an article on Hollywood’s 25 sexiest celebrities, but she rejected the magazine’s advances flat out, and refused permission for Playboy to use any pictures of her at all. At that point, her lawyers allege, Playboy obtained a publicity photo of Alba under false pretences and slapped it on the cover anyway.
As a result, the Jessica Alba’s legal team have hit Playboy with a cease and desist warning, and are asking for all the profits of the March edition as well as an undisclosed monetary settlement….
You see? Jessica Alba cares about her fans. She doesn’t want them to buy a copy of Playboy full of fake expectation that it’ll be full of nude pictures of Jessica for them to have a crafty shuffle to.
That’s right. Jessica Alba is a SERIOUS actress who wants to be taken seriously. She is not some sex kitten to be seen as mere fodder for some pimply teenage masturbatory fantasy. No, she is an ACTRESS, damnit. The fact that she happens to be very easy on the eyes isn’t her fault. Should her acting skills be denigrated simply because she looks good in a few square inches of cotton?
You see, Jessica Alba knows that she can never be taken seriously as an actress if all men visualize when they close their eyes is their desire to have sex with her. I mean, do Kathy Bates or Olympia Dukakis have to put up with this sort of madness??
