We here at Americans for Equal Justice feel strongly that the possibility exists that Mr. Lay, like Hitler, Elvis, and Tupac before him, has faked his own death in order to avoid any more unwanted public scrutiny. If this is true, then it is our responsibility as good Americans to bring this criminal to justice by reporting his whereabouts to the proper authorities.
Sure, there are a lot of 9.11 conspiracy theories out there, but how about this for a REAL conspiracy theory: Ken Lay is alive and well and living in a country with no extradition treaty and a surplus of margarita machines. Hey, it could happen…and who could ignore evidence like this?:
Lay has been sighted in Afghanistan, where $43 million will buy a lot of opium poppies.
Another sighting has Lay disguised as the Roaming Gnomes, filming spots for Travelocity at the Eiffel Tower.
Fox and Friends is reporting that Lay has been sighted at a Krispy Kreme doughnut shop in Kuala Lumpur. Or maybe it was in Lahore.
From “Jim”: I saw him buying a $3 tie-dye this morning at the Stuckey’s just west of St. Louis on I-70. He appeared to have a very fresh tattoo on his right arm reading “DUH-BYA Rocks”.
From “Howard Hughes”: I thought you’d be interested to know that while camping in the Pacific Northwest this weekend, we saw Ken Lay walking in the campsite next to us. He was accompanied by an 8’ tall Sasquatch, 8 tiny reindeer and the cheshire cat.
One unconfirmed report has Lay working behind the deli counter at a SuperAmerica truck stop in Cloquet, MN. Yeah, no one will EVER find him there, eh?
Sure, rumors about Lay being alive might be hurtful to his family, but I think we could scrape something together and “present the Lay family with this check for $43 million dollars put together from the retirement funds of good hard working Americans! Hope it helps!” Who says we’re not a generous lot??
Honestly, while I feel badly for Ken Lay’s family, the man was a convicted felon who amassed his fortune on the backs of his employees and Enron investors. There’s a lot of (justifieable) anger out there, and a lot of people are upset that Lay “skated” out of punishment by dying. I know; it’s lame, but what’s a person to do? We can’t very well lay waste to his River Oaks mansion, so a little gallows humor seem like a safe outlet. Hey, it beats stealing lawn gnomes from Chez Lay, no?
