Strippers plan to tube New Braunfels river Sunday (thanks to Dennis for this….)
New meaning to ‘Ride the tube’
NEW BRAUNFELS — In the midst of attempts to crack down on raunchy and rowdy behavior during traditional summertime tubing river trips through this city, a San Antonio topless club is planning a tubing excursion featuring strippers. Trey Maddox, a manager at Palace Men’s Club, said Sunday’s excursion on the Comal River — during which men can pay $25 to join the strippers — isn’t meant to fly in the face of the city’s new rules. “We’re not hookers, dope dealers or Mafia thugs,” he said, noting that the strippers will be appropriately dressed. “We’re just coming to have a good time.”
Wow…now this ought to make for some interesting sunburns, eh?
I always enjoy good, God-fearing Texas Republicans who have to get their pacemakers checked whenever they run across people who aren’t as repressed and narrow-minded as they are when it comes to issues of sex or nudity. Having apparently solved all the other pressing problems facing their community, Repblican politicians in and around New Braunfels are now free to deal with the threat that is…GASP!!!…public nudity.
WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN??
Sure, there’s nothing wrong with making sure that tubing on the Comal and Guadalupe rivers is a fun, safe, and family-friendly environment. That goal is not a license for politicians to exercise their prudery and play to their constituencies as if they’re brave defenders of public morality. And maroons like Ken Valentine certainly aren’t doing the side of good and decency any favors.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN??
City Councilman Ken Valentine isn’t so sure.
“I’m really disappointed that this is going to occur on Sunday when people should be in church,” he said. “I hope they behave themselves and keep their clothes on, but I’m not sure they will because strippers are trained to take off their clothes.”
Yeah, and we all know that since they’re trained professionals, they’re not going to be able to keep their clothes on. Man, before you know it, they’ll be trying to convert our impressionable children to their dissolute and lacivious lifestyle. Before you know it, our daughters will be asking for stripper poles for Christmas.
The New Braunfels City Council has been cracking down on rowdy behavior on the Comal and Guadalupe rivers in recent months, banning volume drinking devices better known as beer bongs, increasing the maximum fine for noise ordinance violations, and prohibiting sound amplification on the river between 10 p.m. and 8 a.m.
A new ordinance banning containers with a liquid volume of 5 ounces or less — an attempt to ban Jell-O shots and the associated litter — will take effect after the next city council meeting.
Mayor Bruce Boyer said he thought it was unfortunate that the San Antonio club is taking advantage of the situation “to get free publicity.”
“And all we’re trying to do is make it safe and pleasant for anybody 8 to 80 to come and have a safe and enjoyable river experience,” he said.
Hmm…didja ever think that perhaps the folks from San Antonio really just want to have a good time tubing? Why is it that whenever someone tries to do something that the narrow-minded “family first” Republicans find distasteful it’s immediatly view as a plot and/or a publicity stunt?
WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN??
Y’all can go to church…where you probably belong. While you’re off feeling holy and justifying your repressed natures, a bunch of people from San Antonio are going to have some fun. That they might take off their clothes while doing so only means that they’re going to need to apply sunblock in places where you and I normally might not. Oh, and there will probably be a bunch of horny, middle-aged guys out there with digital cameras. Hey, not everyone wants to go to church on Sunday morning.
