August 23, 2006 6:15 AM

Another DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener

US preacher defends belief women can’t teach men

DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener #426: Pastor Tim LaBouf

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A U.S. Baptist preacher has publicly defended himself for firing a female Sunday School teacher after more than 50 years on the job because he believes the Bible bans women from teaching men. Watertown First Baptist Church Pastor Tim LaBouf, also a city council member in Watertown, N.Y., said women could fulfill any role or responsibility they wanted to — outside the church….LaBouf and the church board fired Mary Lambert, 81, earlier this month in a letter that cited the scriptural qualifications for Sunday School teachers, Lambert said.

Blessed are the righteous and those who hew to the teaching of our Lord. No, not the loving, compassionate God. I’m talking about the Old Testament one who woke up crabby and kicked ass all the day long. Yes, anyone can go to church on Sunday, sit in a pew, and struggle to stay awake after a hard Saturday night’s drinking and whoring. Two hours and you’re outta there, good to go for another week. The REALLY good Christians know how to suffer, make others suffer, and treat women like chattel.

No, the truly righteous ones are those who live and die by Scripture, even if it means that they’re a complete DUMB@$$.Yes, God works in mysterious ways, and I suppose we should be thankful for those who work so hard to keep their flock on the straight and narrow as they worship they angry, mean-spirited God. If that means tossing an 81-year-old Sunday School teacher out on her butt, well, you’re not going to be able to make an omelet unless you break a few eggs, eh?

Any REAL Christian knows that the man is the real power of hearth and home. After all, we’re the ones expected to hunt and kill our daily meal, fight off, attacks from savage natives, and drive the plow horses as we plant the crops. You think life in the 19th century is easy? News doesn’t exactly travel at the speed of light, you know….

Ah, the good old days, when women wore petticoats, children obeyed their parents, and men were the unquestioned kings of their castles. Too bad Pastor Tim LaBouf, the leader of the Watertown chapter of the American Taliban, didn’t get the memo…this isn’t the 19th century, and women aren’t second-class citizens- unless you happen to live in Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan.

“My belief is that the qualifications for both men and women teaching spiritual matters in a church setting end at the church door, period,” LaBouf said in a statement on the church Web site.

Hmm…has anyone checked LaBouf for scabs on his knuckles?

I understand that LaBouf has a right to his beliefs, no matter how backward and troglodytic they may be. The problem here is that LaBouf, as the pastor of a church, has a responsibility to his parishioners to represent the teachings of Jesus Christ. I may be a Buddhist, and I rarely paid attention to the Sunday School classes my parents forced me to go to, but I don’t recall Jesus teaching that women were second-class citizens and dependent upon men to provide for them.

Someone really ought to by this DUMB@$$ a one-way ticket to Kabul. I’ll bet he’d fit right in

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on August 23, 2006 6:15 AM.

Panem et circenses is not a substitute for poor planning and a lack of vision was the previous entry in this blog.

GOP Rule #1: A promise made is the moral equivalent of a promise kept is the next entry in this blog.

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