August 26, 2006 8:07 AM

Another DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener

Evidence ruled sufficient in penis pump case

DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener #427: Mardin Amin

The female airport security guard held the small, black, squeezable rubber object she’d just plucked out of Mardin Amin’s backpack, and eyed it suspiciously. Standing next to his mother, an embarrassed Amin whispered out of one corner of his mouth that it was a “pump” — as in a penis pump. The guard misunderstood the Iraqi man and thought she heard the word “bomb,” Amin’s attorney told a Cook County judge Wednesday.

OK, y’all time for a refresher course, don’tcha think? Let’s revisit the sorts of things you might not want to carry on an airplane these days…especially when your mother is travelling with you. Hmm…let’s see…ah…number one on this list might just be a PENIS PUMP. ‘Course, this should be self-evident to anyone out there with even the dimmest of bulbs flickering, but the our latest DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener is without a doubt a mental flatliner. What sort of tool takes a penis pump onto a plane in his carry-on luggage when travelling with his mother? Yep, only a true DUMB@$$. What’s even better is that the female security at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport thought she heard the word “bomb” when she asked Amin what it is. Hmm…ask a silly question, throw in what was probably a thick Middle-Eastern accent…and step back while you watch the fun begin.

What’s this device, sir?

Well, I figured that if the flight was boring, I could always pleasure myself in the lavatory with this penis bomb…er, pump….

Whee…and they’re off….

“He told her it’s a pump,” attorney Eileen O’Neill-Burke said as a cluster of burly, snickering police officers watched the court proceedings. “He’s standing with his mother. Of course he’s not going to shout this out.”

But after listening to the female guard testify she heard Amin “clearly” say the word bomb during the Aug. 16 incident at O’Hare Airport, Judge Gerald Winiecki decided there was enough evidence for the case to move forward. Amin, 29, is charged with felony disorderly conduct and faces up to three years in prison if convicted.

So, it would seem that being a DUMB@$$ is now a crime. Man, I could be in BIG trouble if I don’t watch my step….

Prosecutors say Amin, who was on his way to Turkey with his mother and two small children last week, twice told security officials that he was carrying a bomb. Only later did he admit he had initially lied about the rubber object’s true function because he didn’t want his mother to know he was carrying a penis pump, prosecutors say.

After Wednesday’s hearing, a mostly jovial Amin said airport security officials never gave him an opportunity to explain the misunderstanding. And he said he would never utter the word “bomb” while going through security.

What, he was going to offer the security guard a private tutorial?? But wait…it’s gets better….

Amin may not want his mother to know he has a penis pump, but he said he doesn’t consider it an unusual device to own.

“It’s normal,” he said. “Half of America they use it.”

Really? Man, apparently I need to start hanging out at better quality leather bars. I had NO idea….

So, the moral of this here story is that there are just certain things you don’t want to carry on to a plane in your carry-on bag. Like a gun, things that could potentially go “boom”, or penis pumps. You’re on your own from here…and don’t say you haven’t been warned, ‘kay??

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on August 26, 2006 8:07 AM.

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