Canada’s only major Arctic petroglyph site — a 1,500-year-old gallery of mysterious faces carved into a soapstone ridge on a tiny island off of Quebec’s northern coast — has been ransacked by vandals in what the region’s top archeologist suspects was a religiously motivated attack by devout Christians from a nearby Inuit community. For years, heritage advocates have sought special protection for the ancient etchings at Qajartalik Island, located about one hour by boat from the 500-resident village of Kangiqsujuaq. Experts believe they were created by the extinct Dorset culture, an artistically advanced civilization that occupied much of the eastern Arctic before they were killed or driven away by the Thule ancestors of modern Inuit.
Afghanistan’s Taliban leadership held a news conference in Kabul today to announce the opening of a Taliban chapter in Northern Quebec. Chief Mullah Muhammad Akbar Khan hailed this latest expansion of violent, radical hyper-religiosity as the wave of the future.
“As we kill more infidels here in Afghanistan, eventually our supply of innocent victims will dwindle. Therefore, in order to ensure the continued survival of ignorant, reactionary, and hopelessly intolerant zealotry, the Taliban MUST look outside Afghanistan’s borders. That is why our new chapter in northern Quebec is such a victory for righteousness and Godliness. Now we can begin killing Godless Canadians and destroying their false idols. Yes, the Inuits are Christians, but we think we adherents of The One True Faith have much common ground with them. In time, with the proper training and support, they will be able to kill infidels and destroy historical artifacts every bit as ruthlessly and efficiently as we do. Eventually, we will convert them or kill them, but that’s a long-term plan.”
“Besides, I’m a HUGE Toronto Maple Leafs fan….”
“Allah akbar!…. Game on, eh?”
Wayn Gretzky and Mark Messier were unavailable for comment….