Obsessed bin Laden wanted to kill Whitney Houston’s husband (thanks, Amanda!)
We’re Just Waiting For Slate’s Comic Book Adaptation
Breaking: Woman Forced to Live, Sleep With Osama bin Laden Not “Sex Slave”
On Wednesday evening, I tried to watch CNN’s two-hour-long special on Osama bin-Laden, in which we discovered that Osama loved God, Hot Wheels, GI Joe, and hated the Green Bay Packers and American Idol (ah, apparently we have much in common). Well, I might have learned that, if I hadn’t fallen asleep less than an hour into the special. Frankly, I could really care less about Osama’s childhood prowess on the soccer field. I wanted the dirt…you know, the confessions of the chicks he bagged with tales of his role as God’s tool (or maybe it was God working through his tool…I forget). No, It was like watching a particularly uninteresting episode of A&E’s “Biography”. Man, there was just no way to put enough lipstick on this piggie to make it even remotely interesting. No wonder I fell asleep.
Of course, if I had managed to stay awake, I probably would have gotten to the really interesting stuff: the bar fights, the drug busts, the dalliances with cocktail waitresses, the sexual plundering of entire Girl Scout troops…and a horribly, disturbingly unnatural obsession with Whitney Houston. Ah, man…that’s just to wrong on so many levels, isn’t it??
Terror mastermind Osama bin Laden is so obsessed with singer Whitney Houston he thought about killing her husband, Bobby Brown, it was claimed last night.
The suggestion is made by Sudanese poet and novelist Kola Boof, who claims she was bin Laden’s sex slave for four months 10 years ago.
In her autobiography, Diary of a Lost Girl, she writes: “He told me Whitney Houston was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.”
Boof, 37, who claims bin Laden raped her and held her prisoner in a Moroccan hotel, says he could not stop talking about the songbird, even though he disapproved of music.
So, Osama isn’t quite the holy warrior we’d all been brainwashed into thinking he is. Turns out that he’s just as much of a horndog as the next sexually repressed Muslim. Whodathunkit? And Whitney Houstton?? Hey, the girl can sing, but does he have ANY idea what a messed up coke goddess she’s become? Not exactly a shining example of virtuous and righteous Muslim womanhood, but hey, a man’s got needs, right?
“He said that he had a paramount desire for Whitney Houston, and although he claimed music was evil he spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting with the superstar….
“Whitney Houston’s name was the one that would be mention constantly. “How beautiful she was, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women’s husbands killed.”
I’ll bet that if Osama showed up on Houston’s doorstep with a case of Wild turkey and a couple kilos of Bolivian Marching Powder, he could pretty much have his way with her, don’tcha think??
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go take a hot shower. I feel dirty….
