September 4, 2006 4:14 PM

Another DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener

Dallas official wants city ban on baggy pants

DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener #434: Ron Price

DALLAS — A Dallas man has had it with baggy pants that overexpose, so he wants the City Council to look into a ban on wearing the oversized trousers that often slip so low as to show underwear. Ron Price, a Dallas school board member, has asked the City Council to look at strengthening the law to give citations to those who expose their underwear.

Because WHEN EXPOSING YOUR UNDERWEAR IS OUTLAWED, ONLY OUTLAWS WILL EXPOSE THEIR UNDERWEAR.

WhatEVER….

You’d think that the Dallas School Board would have bigger problems to deal with…unless Ron Price and his compadres have managed to rid Dallas’ public schools of gangs and drugs and they really DON’T have anything else to worry about. Don’t get me wrong; I think the whole idea of wearing your pants below your buttcrack is patently absurd, but I’m an adult, and kids have been pissing off adults since before the dawn of time. If it wasn’t this, it would be something else (see TWO-TIME DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener Al Edwards and his campaign to end “lascivious halftime shows” at high school football games). No one really cares what I think, nor should they. Nor should they care when Ron Price or any other member of the Dallas School Board thinks.

Yes, it’s silly, and yes, it looks ridiculous, but who is really being harmed here? If Price doesn’t like what he sees, he’s free to be upset, and he’s free to voice his opinion- even if no one cares…and truthfully, does anyone really care what he thinks? I sure as Hell don’t, and you can bet that kids wearing the shorts below their buttcrack don’t.

Sure, it looks ridiculous, but as long as we’re not seeing skidmarks, what’s the problem? Taste and fashion are relative commodities anyway.

“I think it’s disrespectful, it’s dishonorable and it’s disgusting,” said Price, who made the recommendation last week to the City Council. “I have no problem with the top of your Hanes label being shown. My problem is when grown men walk about the city with pants below their buttocks.”

Yeah, and you’re just jealous ‘cuz you don’t have the ass to pull it off….

Council members have asked the city attorney to look into the issue. City Attorney Tom Perkins said this week he’s investigating the legalities and will report back to the council.

But experts say that such a law might not hold up, so to speak.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk….

It would be too vague, said Robert Jarvis, constitutional law professor at Nova Southeastern University in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. He said that for a criminal law to be constitutional, a person of average intelligence must know what’s being prohibited.

“Who’s to say how baggy pants can be before they’re ‘baggy pants,’” he said. “There’s just no way to regulate these things.”

Never mind the whole issue of using tax dollars to turn the Dallas Police into the Dallas Fashion Police. Really…don’t you think that the average Dallas police officer has their hands full dealing with REAL crime? Wouldn’t this be a laughable, not to mention wasteful, use of taxpayer dollars? Never mind the fact that similar efforts to impose fashion standards upon a segment of the population have not met with success elsewhere in the country.

Hey, it you don’t like seeing someones barely-covered buttcrack, there’s a simple solution available to you: don’t look. This won’t waste any taxpayer dollars, it won’t take any police away from more pressing and important duties, and no one will think you’re a DUMB@$$. Of course, it’s better to be thought a DUMB@$$ than to open your mouth and remove all doubt, eh??

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on September 4, 2006 4:14 PM.

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