Politics make you howl? Have I got a candidate for you
This campaign season we’ve been told - and told and told and told - that J.D. Hayworth “lies” and that Ellen Simon was involved with “a radical organization that defends hard-core criminals at the Man/Boy Love Association.” Jon Kyl is a “cheerleader for Bush,” Jim Pederson “went bankrupt” and Harry Mitchell has “a scandalous political past that could spell trouble for Arizona’s future.” Which is why I’m voting for Pepper. Pepper is an affable Australian shepherd mix, a guard dog at the Southwest Wildlife Rehabilitation and Educational Foundation in Scottsdale. He was rescued from a date with the gas chamber 10 years ago and since then has patrolled the grounds of the animal sanctuary.
He’s loyal, faithful, loves America- OK, EVERYONE…and he has a wet nose. He’s never had a bad word to say about anyone, no one questions his fitness…and he’s always glad to see you. Big deal, so Pepper’s a dog. Could he be any worse the J.D. Hayworth, Jon Kyl, or John McCain? Would John McCain ever wag his tail and lick your face (Ugh…may I not live to see that)?
Given the dearth of meaningful debate in this year’s election season, it would seem that now is as good a time as any to put forward a candidate who’s lovable, faithful, and craves table scraps. How many Republicans can you say that about? The more I think about it, the more I’m coming to agree with Arizona Republic columnist Laurie Roberts:
Think about it. Pepper believes in strong borders and is not afraid to raise an alarm when an intruder sneaks in. He has a strong bark but stands committed to protecting the weak and the innocent. And he knows a thing or two about the high cost of health care, having required two antivenin shots, at $500 a pop, to save his life.
Being a highly trained reporter, I called [Southwest Wildlife Rehabilitation and Educational Foundation director Linda] Searles on Monday to investigate Pepper’s credentials for Congress.
Ever caught him in a lie? I ask.
No, she replies.
Has he ever filed for bankruptcy?
No.
Ever voted himself a pay raise? Voted to raise my taxes? Associated with the North American Man/Boy Love Association?
No. No. Huh?
If elected, Pepper will not be swayed by the perks and lures of special interests as he has long been exposed to the old Gravy Train but is more of a kibbles kind of guy.
Though he lives in swank north Scottsdale, Pepper is a middle class sort, a native Arizonan who’s not ashamed to put on a kerchief and work up a sweat. He’s loyal and willing to serve, but he isn’t about to dishonor himself by throwing mud on any in the pack who stand in his way.
Man…if I lived in Arizona, he’d have my vote….
