(As ever, many thanks to my friends at The Sinner’s Guide To The Evangelical Right and DefCon)
It’s been a quiet week here in Jesusland, what with all the good, God-fearing Christian nursing their wounds from the War on Christmas © . The faithful are taking inventory, making certain that they didn’t lose any extremities or loved ones, and generally thanking Jeebus that they survived yet another secular retail onslaught. Plus, they’re still trying to figure out how to use the iPod they got for Christmas (Honey…can I get Bishop Sheen’s podcasts on this thing??).
With the end of the year just hours away, many- indeed, most- good, god-fearing Christians are making certain that they have their Apocalypse/Rapture bunker well-provisioned…’cuz you never know when Pat Robertson and Tom DeLay God will loose his fury upon the weak and the faithless. Yep, best make certain that you’ve got plenty of provisions and MREs, because, while Jesus may not be coming, Satan certainly is (and he looks a LOT like Nancy Pelosi)
Park Service Can’t Give Official Age Of Grand Canyon For Fear Of Offending Creationists: Due to pressure from Bush Administration officials, the National Park Service is not permitted to give an official age for the Grand Canyon. Additionally, a book claiming the Grand Canyon was created by Noah’s flood is for sale at the National Park’s bookstore.…. What am our children be learnin’??? Why, they be learnin’ ‘bout Jeebus!!! Besides, once you know enough to be able to read the Bible, what else do you really need to know?
Christians must unite for right to avoid eventual U.S. collapse: A Congressional page friend of mine told me in 1956 that the pages were for the purpose of serving the sexual appetites of Congress - obviously not subject to the ethical standards of mere mortals, much like many church leaders….As long as wimpy Christians don’t unite for right, we can expect more backhanded blessings until America collapses.….At times like this I’m reminded of a line from a Pink Floyd song- “And the worms ate into my brain….”
Dobson caught red-handed mangling research of NYU Prof: James Dobson recently published a guest column in Time Magazine that was critical of Mary Cheney and her partner’s recent announcement that they are having a child. He wrote “the majority of more than 30 years of social-science evidence indicates that children do best on every measure of well-being when raised by their married mother and father,” citing the research of Carol Gilligan PhD, an expert on gender and human development at NYU. Turns out Dobson’s twisting the facts to make his hateful point…. All’s fair in love and war, eh?…. and in the war against Christianity, anything goes. If you have to fudge some facts, or even engage in outright propagandizing to win souls, well, then that’s what you do. After all, what would Jesus do?
The New Inquisition - Season’s Greetings from the Vatican: Are you now or have you ever been a member of Call to Action? If the answer is yes, and you live in the diocese of Lincoln, Nebraska, there will be no Communion for you. Nor will you be able to participate in a Catholic baptism or even have a Catholic burial. As a Christmas gift to Lincoln’s progressive Church reformers, Cardinal Giovanni Battista Re, head of the Vatican Congregation of Bishops, heartily approved the Inquisitional action of Bishop Fabian Bruskewitz, who excommunicated every single local member of the country’s largest and most progressive church reform group, Call to Action.…. How DARE y’all think for yourselves??? If you were good Catholics, you’d think only what the Church and the Pope told you to think. Jeebus…if y’all wanted to think, why didn’t you just become Episcopalians??
‘Hate Crime’ Laws Threaten Religious Freedom: All totalitarian countries employ “thought crime” laws that criminalize the conscience. Now, under “hate crime” laws that include “sexual orientation,” even Western nations with long traditions of freedom, such as the United States, Canada, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and Sweden, are experiencing more and more challenges to basic freedoms. “Hate crime” laws are a key part of a long-term strategy by homosexual activists to use “sexual orientation”-based policies and laws to suppress dissent, radically redefine marriage and, ultimately, to criminalize Biblical morality.…. Right, ‘cuz everyone knows that true religion is all about hating and plotting the demise of those you despise because they think, believe and live differently than you. Hmm….that would explain the Crusades, eh??
Hollywood’s four-letter word: God: Atheist activist Sam Harris recently proclaimed on National Public Radio that America needed a lot more mockery of religious belief. “I think the criticism of irrationality just has to come from 100 sides all at once,” he declared. “In the entertainment community, maybe you’ll just have people making jokes that are funny enough and true enough so as to put religious certainty in a bad light.”…. Well, no, what we truly need is more mockery of those willing to use their alleged “religious” beliefs for the advancement of their own narrow political agenda. Mockery of those who make a mockery of religion only seems reasonable when you consider that people like Bozell are as much about the teachings of Jesus Christ as Timothy McVeigh was about the open-minded tolerance of the role of government in American life.
