I had to look at the calendar over the weekend, just to remind myself that it’s still January, 2007. What with Presidential candidates busting out all over, you might have thought that primary season is just around the corner instead of more than a year away. I can’t help but wonder what all of these erstwhile Presidents-in-waiting are going to do for the next 15 or 16 months to maintain any interest and/or momentum? By the time primary season actually gets here, most of the electorate will be bored stiff.
Just over this past weekend, you had Kansas Republican Sen. Sam Brownback throwing his hat into the metaphorical ring. Brownback’s primary goal seems to be to turn back the clock to a time when women were property and recognized that their place was cranking out children to build the Glorious Reich. If you need something to scare the Hell out of you, try this phrase on for size: “President Sam Brownback”.
At the other end of the ideological spectrum, Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) announced that she’s in…or at least that’s she’s forming an “exploratory committe”, which seems to be politico-speak for easing gracefully into the Presidential race. Clinton’s candidacy comes as no great shock, though I imagine that she would have rather waited awhile to fire up her machine. The good news for the legions of Hillary-haters and haters of all things Clinton is that they’ll have extra time to come up with all sorts of attention-grabbing conspiracy theories. (Hillary’s a lipstick lesbian who preys on sorority girls and drinks their blood? Say it ain’t so….)
Then there’s New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, a Democrat who seems determined to run for President on the premise that (Stop the presses!!) “Civility And Common Decency In Government Has Perished.” Hmm…and what about the past six years wouldn’t have already convinced us of this sad reality? Get back to me when you actually have something to offer, willya?
Next up is Sen. Joe Biden (D-DE), whose campaign platform to date seems to consist of little more than declaring to anyone who will listen that Our Glorious and Benevolent Leader © is a clueless moron who needs to have his medication adjusted- and quickly. I know…NEWS FLASH!!!
Oh, and before I forget, there’s also Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack, who’s running to…well, I really don’t know what he’s proposing to do. I’m not altogether sure that ANYONE knows why Vilsack is running. Nonetheless, you have to know that Vilsack’s serious, because his campaign has already rolled out their theme song (Although Vilsack could probably have done better than “I Saw Your Mommy And You’re Mommy’s Dead” by the Dead Kennedys)
And then there’s Rep. Dennis Kucinich (R-OH), a flaming Liberal peacenik if ever there was one. Kucinich actually has some interesting ideas, but official Washington and virtually every political pundit out there is convinced that Kucinich is completely “out there”- utterly bat-shit crazy and unworthy of serious consideration. Besides, he’s not very telegenic, and the camera’s gotta love a candidate for him to have any hope of success, no? This is the reason we’re not using the phrase “President Cynthia McKinney”.
And how can we forget former DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R- Adultery), who says he’ll run for President if nothing better turns up in the meantime. What, you can’t get a right-wing radio talk show?
Oh, yeah…there’s that Obama Hussein…Obama bin-Laden…Barack Saddam Hussein…ah, I forget, but everyone seems to be worshipping the ground the guy walks on. They also seem to be breathlessly chronicling his every word, thought, and action (Obama hits the rest room! Goes #2!! Film at 11!!).
And isn’t Rudy Giuliani running? Or is he too busy sleeping around on his fifth wife?
Man, and we have to deal with this mindless crap for another 18 months or so?? Augghhh…. So when does Jim Traficant (Is that a dead weasel on your head, or are you just glad to see me??) get out of prison, anyway??
If y’all need me, I’ll be sitting on the kitchen floor playing Russian Roulette….
