Woman Sues City Over Wet T-Shirt Arrest: She Says Her Nipples Were Painted, Not Exposed
LINCOLN, Neb. — Melissa Harrington feels the city of Lincoln, Neb., is all wet — for busting her at a wet T-shirt contest. She’s filed a $75,000 claim for restitution against the city and the police department, claiming officers are intimidating bar owners to keep them from hiring her for promotions. She was sentenced in August to six months’ probation for violating a public decency ordinance. Harrington had hosted a wet T-shirt contest at a Lincoln bar in March. Officers charged her with being topless. But Harrington claims she wasn’t, because her nipples and areolas were covered with pink paint.
So here’s what inquiring minds really want to know: this case means the city of Lincoln actually PAYS someone to go to clubs and ensure that attractive, buxom women are properly camouflaged. So how does one goe about getting ones of those jobs? The drawback, of course, is that you’d have to live in Nebraska, which would certainly be a deal-breaker for me. Some of y’all might not have a problem with being a government-certified cleavage inspector, even in Nebraska…and is that a hands-on kind of job or what?
To call this silly wouldn’t begin to do justice to the seriousness with which Lincoln’s Morality Police seem to take themselves (OHMIGOD…WHAT ABOUT OUR POOR, INNOCENT, PRECIOUS CHILDREN???). I suppose you have to draw the line somewhere, but when you’re debating whether or not a coat of paint is sufficient feminine camouflage, you’ve exited the ridiculous for the realm of the sublime.
Of course, Melissa Harrington isn’t exactly innocent in this scenario, and like any good purveyor of her own physical assets, Harrington, who plies her trade under the name Melissa Midwest (you can find your own link, ‘cuz it’s definitely NSFW), is cashing in. Not surprisingly, cashing in on generic Midwestern prudishness is hardly a challenge. Harrington is simply smart enough to recognize a cash cow when she sees one.
If nothing else, Melissa Harrington gets a ton of free publicity, and she’s smart enough to be able to take advantage of the financial opportunities presented by this situation. In the end, exactly nothing will change, and we’ll be having the same- or at least a similar- argument somewhere down the road…because in the end, WHO REALLY CARES?
As long as attractive women are willing to bare themselves and their assets for profit, this sort of thing will continue to be an issue among the Morality Police. There will always be men willing to pay to see naked women (Really…what is so evil about nudity, anyway??), and there will alway be those who are firmly convinced that nudity combined with commerce is the Portal to Hell. Human nature being what it is, Melissa Harrington’s lawsuit will change exactly NOTHING…except her income potential.
My God, I just LOVE America…don’t you??
