(As ever, many thanks to my friends at and DefCon)
It’s been a busy week here in beautiful, downtown Jesusland. Not only were we treated to the spectacle of Pat Robertson threatening to murder someone (but only because God told him to), but Kansas once again kicked the Word of God out of their public schools, and Ted Haggard is once again (Glory Be!!!) completely heterosexual. Praise God and pass the ammunition!! Oh, yeah, and Bill Donohue managed to expose John Edwards as the spineless, Godless weenie he truly is. (Jeebus be praised!!)
With a war with Iran surely just around the corner, can their be any doubt that the Rapture is nigh? Get your affairs in order, ladies and gentlemen, because surely all the True Believers are about to shed their mortal coil and be transported to Paradise!!
In the meantime, here’s another week’s parade of hyper-religious silliness:
Pat Robertson and the Great Grilled Cheese Sandwich of Doom: I’m concerned that…Pat Robertson, may not have fully considered the ramifications of his threat to murder Phillip Busch and his family. After all, Busch uses Pat’s Age-Defying Shake and, like Pat, is therefore capable of leg pressing 2000 lbs. That’s a lot of power. While Pat and Busch may be evenly matched because of the Age-Defying Shake, I don’t think he considered the possibility that Busch’s wife and children are also using the shake, or even worse, Pat’s Age-Defying Protein Pancakes?…. OHMIGOD! NO!! NOT THE GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH OF DOOM!!
Christian pediatrician denies child service because parents are tattooed: A family is turned away by a local pediatrician, they say because of the way they look. The doctor said he is just following his beliefs, creating a Christian atmosphere for his patients. Tasha Childress said it’s discrimination. She said Dr. Gary Merrill wouldn’t treat her daughter for an ear infection because Tasha, the mother, has tattoos…. Uh, isn’t there a little something called the “Hippocratic Oath” that comes into play here?? How long before Merrill’s patients also have to pass a political litmus test?
Stephen Parsley wants your daughter to take her chances with cancer: Because of their invasive nature, vaccinations are procedures that the government should require only in very serious cases. Mandatory immunization makes sense for dangerous diseases that can be spread easily, such as through liquid, air or direct contact. A mandatory HPV vaccine would make sense in a setting where sexual activity is expected, such as, for example, government-run brothels. But these are not prostitutes; these are eleven and twelve-year-old children. There is something very wrong when our political leaders expect middle-school girls to be sexually active…. You know, if you just trusted God, then you wouldn’t have to worry about your daughters getting cervical cancer. Besides, any good Christian knows that seeking medical treatment only demonstrates a lack of faith in the healing powers of the Almighty. WTF??
Romney to deliver commencement address at Pat Robertson’s University: Republican presidential candidate and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney will deliver a commencement address at Regent University this May, the Christian school founded by prominent Christian broadcaster and one-time presidential candidate Pat Robertson…. Robertson had no comment on whether or not Romney would be wearing his Magic Underwear.
Survey Shows Beliefs May Affect Doctor’s Advice: A new survey finds that a significant number of doctors feel they can withhold information from patients when it conflicts with the doctor’s moral beliefs. That includes information about abortion, birth control and some end-of-life treatments…. Wow; can there be anything more insensitive and closed-minded than withholding information and/or treatment options from a patient because they happen to run counter to your narrow religious beliefs? If a doctor honestly believes that he or she has the perfect right to do this, they need to be stripped of their medical license and forced to get a job as a fry cook at Whataburger.
Robertson: Too much plastic surgery gives people “Oriental” eyes: On the February 7 edition of the Christian Broadcasting Network’s The 700 Club, host Pat Robertson said that people who have received too much plastic surgery “got the eyes like they’re Oriental” while he put his fingers up to the side of his face…. Right; and masturbation causes fur to grow on your palms. Jeebus, what a freakin’ maroon. If Robertson is a “man of God”, then I’m the Queen of England.
As Bush’s War Strategy Shifts to Iran, Christian Zionists Gear Up for the Apocalypse: Christian Zionists are dancing the hora in San Antonio. Armageddon appears to be at hand. As George W. Bush sets his sights on Iran, even Republicans are wondering how to constitutionally contain the trigger-happy king. But for an influential group of Christian fundamentalists — White House allies that garner not only feel-good meetings with the President’s liaisons to the “faith-based” community but also serious discussions with Bush’s national security staff — an attack on Iran is just what God ordered. Biblical literalists, convened together through San Antonio megapastor John Hagee’s Christians United for Israel (CUFI), are now seeing the fruits of their yearlong campaign to convince the Bush administration to attack Iran…. What would Jesus do? Why, he’d bomb Tehran, of course!
PBS Profiles Homeschool Movement: “The bulk of parents pull their kids out of public school for reasons having very much to do with religion,” said correspondent Lucky Severson. “Some are leading an organized effort to persuade churches, including Southern Baptists and the Presbyterian Church in America, to have their members pull their kids out of public schools and put them in private or home schools.”…. Because when you keep children in a hermetically-sealed environment, safe from any outside influences, it’s SO much easier to breed and raise soldiers for Christ, servants and automatons who will willingly and without question lay down their lives for their religion.
